10 Favorite Nursing Jokes
6. A nurse caring for a man from Kentucky asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
The nurse asked to see the jelly and the man produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
—Facebook group LPNs Are Nurses Too!
7. Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
To the first, he asked, “What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?” “I was a nurse in an inner city hospital,” she replied. “I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children.” “Very noble,” said St. Peter. “You may enter.” And in through the gates she went.
To the next, he asked the same question: “So what did you do on Earth?” “I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa,” she replied. “For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God’s love.” “How touching,” said St. Peter. “You too may enter.” And in she went.
He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, “So, what did you do back on Earth?” After some hesitation, she explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMO.” St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, “Okay, you may enter also.”
“Whew!” said the nurse. “For a moment there, I thought you weren’t going to let me in.”
“Oh, you can come in,” said St. Peter, “but you can only stay for three days….”
8. Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down, I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”
9. A hospital posted a notice in the nurses’ lounge that said: “Remember, the first five minutes of a human being’s life are the most dangerous.” Underneath, a nurse had written: “The last five are pretty risky, too.”
10. It’s hard to live with a nurse because…
- When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a plan on how to correct any noted problems.
- Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut small pieces because he doesn’t want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday he’s had off in years.
- You’ve been awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to find her shaking you because your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.
Heard a good one lately? Tell us your favorite nursing joke!