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10 more of the strangest things your patients have ever done

iStockphoto | ThinkStock + Scrubs
iStockphoto | ThinkStock + Scrubs

Patients may make the nursing world go round…but that doesn’t mean they don’t do some wild things from time to time (or, er, every day)! We asked our Funny Nurses Facebook fans for the oddest things their patients have ever done–can your patients top these?

1. WALKING DEAD

I had a patient at the desk telling me he was there for his “autopsy.” He meant to say “biopsy!”
Linda M.

2. SMOKE ALARM

I walked into a room and smelled smoke…and turned around to see smoke coming from the closet! There I found my elderly patient with a flask of vodka and smoking a cigarette! The patient was in his 90s and when I opened the door, he said to me, “I didn’t want to come here, my family made me.” It actually cracked me up because at that age, whatever!
Lori G.

3. VROOM VROOM

My Alzheimer’s patient was a mechanic back in his glory days…while doing rounds, I found him under his hospital bed fixing the muffler!
Kris D.

4. PICK A WINNER

I walked into the room and found the patient’s NG tube on the floor. He looked at me and said, “You should see the size of the booger I just got out of my nose!!!”
Laurie D.

5. DENTURE ADVENTURE

The little old lady who collected every set of dentures on the hall and was carrying them around in a wash basin full of soapy water. She beat the hell out of us when we tried to get them back, too. Once we did, a dentist had to come help us figure out whose teeth were whose. Hilarious!
Pam B. 

6. NO SMALL FEET

A patient called 911 to report someone stole his foot…a foot that been amputated in a planned surgery.
Michele B.

7. IF THE SHOE FITS…

I had a patient who kept hollering that her shoes were too tight. I looked down and she had exam gloves on her feet!
Judi G. 

8. FEED THE BIRDS

We had an elderly confused man who had poured his (full) water jug all over the floor and was throwing bits of his sandwich into the water. When we asked what he was doing, he said, “Just feeding the ducks!”
Jojo A. 

9. ANIMAL PLANET

My resident thought she was pregnant and gave birth to a stuffed hippo.
Deanna B.

10. A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE

The physician was being condescending about the amount of pain that my labor in patient was having, so next contraction she put a death grip on his testicles, brought him to his knees and repeated his condescending words to him.
Karan S.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen a patient do or say? Don’t forget to check out part one of this list here!

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23 Responses to 10 more of the strangest things your patients have ever done

  1. beebell2

    Pt found tangled in the bathroom with his IV bag, Foley bag, & Bladder Irrigation bag off their poles & in the sink. All the tubings were entangled & around him. Asked him “What are you doing?” Nonchalant response: “I just thought I’d empty some of these!”

  2. franklin9

    We have a 88 year old male, high fall risk patient who had couple of falls before coming to hospital. He was given hip protectors to use. Patient asked nurse “What about helmet/head gear to protect my head when I fall?”

  3. Tarpey84

    Female patient who didn’t want to leave the hospital kept making up excuses why we couldn’t discharge her, all the usual abdo pain, no ride home etc… But the best one by far was that she needed a prostate exam!!!

  4. sandravdw

    During a ward round at approximately 02h00, we found one of our patients smoking in his room where 2 other patients were also using oxygen. (Luckily we lived to tell the story) He had burned his IV-line into small little pieces and was bleeding profusely from the canula. He showed us the pieces of the IV-line where it was “stored” in his boxer payama shorts. Unfortunately he was too confused to give us an explanation for his choice of storage space.

  5. Angela K

    Ex commercial fisherman in the final stages of dementia regularly went sat on a chair, facing the toilet and fished in the bowl using a walking stick for a rod. He wouldn’t go to bed or be redirected until he was told the fish weren’t running today.

  6. NancyNurseNRH

    As a young student nurse, I had an elderly patient in four point restraints for his safety. He could get out of ANY restraint and it amazed everyone. We referred to him as Houdini. One evening at visiting hours, I was fairly confident that he was tucked securely in bed and resting quietly. Wrong !! The charge nurse and I were talking and watching all the visitors milling around and she had just commented that whatever I did, it was working. Right after saying that, we looked up just in time to see this gentleman walking down the hall stark naked, with toilet paper still wedged between his cheeks and following him as he acknowledged, spoke and exchanged pleasantries with the visitors he passed. The toilet paper was still attached to the roll in his bathroom! Thankfully, the visitors were all very respectful and understanding as we gently ushered him back to his room. One of many patients and situations I’ve never forgotten.

  7. khamnu

    We had a very strict head nurse in ICU who seemed to glare and shout at pts (quite a scary one)wen they don’t cooperate. one particular pt was seen one day trying to frantically put his ryle’s back in, which he pulled out, after he learned dat he was about to be reprimanded for pulling it out..it was da 3rd ryle’s tube he pulled out dat day

  8. peggy2624

    Loved #10
    That said: I had one of those middle-of-the-night “feelings” while charting. Something told me to check on this patient in restrains (neuro oncology). I found him exsanguinating, a HUGE dark circle covered the floor under his bed. There he sat, bolt upright with his head thrown back in a silent howl….and a full moon shining in the window. He had chewed through his IV tubing. We proceeded to clean him up, restart the IV, re-restrained him.
    AND….wait for it…..he did it again. Repeat clean up etc.
    I requested a diet order….the attending was temporarily confused till he read my notes.

  9. Moni2014

    I walked into a patient’s room to find them drinking from their Foley catheter. He then proceeded to tell me it was one of the best drinks he ever had just wished it was colder

  10. Carolyn Witt

    I was working night shift and was the only nurse with 70 patients and 2 aides, we had this one women that was on her light over 20 times in 1 hr. I had been to the room over half of those times and done everything that I could to make her comfortable. I tried to talk her into going to sleep, but she was a very confused Alzheimers pt. after her last episode, I had to do rounds. Suddenly we heard a siren
    and the police burst through the front door. They asked where rm. 120 was and we all went to the room. There was our pt. sitting up waiting for us. She had called 911 and told the operator that we were holding her prisoner. After a few long drawn out explanations, we all had a good laugh, but it was a very exciting night at the nursing home when we had started out short staffed in the first place. Needless to say our great Adm. came in and babysat with our problem pt. for the next 4 hrs so I could get meds out and the girls could get pts taken care of.

  11. swak10

    I was caring for an elderly woman who’d had a Carotid Endarterectomy. She became so disoriented and disruptive in the ICU that they decided to move her to Intermediate Care. In report I was told that she was delusional, and on a constant mission to find “Dickie” and put him to bed. They assumed she was looking for a child. It did not take me long to figure out the problem. “Dickie” was her pet bird! And every time she moved or got restless, the IV pump alarmed, and she thought it was him, and she needed to put him to bed for the night. So I simply put a piece of newspaper under the pump, put a pillow case over the IV pole, and she settled down, and went to sleep, and that was the end of that. The day shift nurses thought I was crazy, but it sure worked like a charm! And after a good night’s sleep, her delusion cleared up! Score!!

  12. brandylin5

    I had a patient , who was dememented, who could not stand another nurse I worked with. This other nurse is an older fellow who must be at least in his 60s. The patient asked in a rude manner ” why the he’ll do you have cracks all over your face?” The other nurse cried about it for two days

  13. brandylin5

    Not to long ago, we had a pt who was on heavy drug meds and was on a vent. The Dr decided to put in a speaking valve and see if he could talk which he could. On the same day the doctor also decreased the pts pain meds. So as the pt notices this he calls 911 while no one is around and tells them we Have Mexicans torching him. The swat team bust threw the doors and went straight for room 8 where they find the patient sitting up reading a book. After 2 long hours of explanation s. We all laughed about it

  14. jackieholland71

    A resident had pulled his colostomy bag off and when I walked in the room, he said, “Damn I’m glad to see you! Some little brown dog came in here and sh*t all over the place!”

  15. tashie112183

    I had a patient who was confused. He had a foley catheter in and was on the cardiac monitor. I went to check on him because he had diconnected himself from the monitor. I found him sitting on the toilet because he had to “take sh** and a p***”. Catheter bag still attached to his bed with the foley still indwelling and stretched from bed to toilet. The next day I went into work and he was a little more with it, but couldn’t understand why his “D***” was so sore.

  16. CathyW

    The CNA’s had written down all of their vital signs that they needed to get for their shift on the assignment sheet. A resident, who was a former math teacher, reduced all of the blood pressures to the lowest common denominator and converted them to mixed fractions. ‘Ms. Smith, you’re BP is very good today–2 14/62.’

  17. Mandylee

    An patient with Alzheimer’s liked to hit other patients with objects she’d find around the home. On my shift, the patient had taken a thick and heavy report book and clutched it in her arms. So instead of confrontation I thought I’d try the “oh look you found my book! I’m so happy I didn’t lose that”. the patient extended her arms and instead of returning the book held it high over her head and said “Back Off B*tch get your own!”. I said “my bad!” And took a few steps back “you can keep it!”. I kept on eye on her until she put it down and scooped it up and put it away! She didn’t remember thankfully! And no one was hurt on my shift except my ego! Lol

  18. Fatmeh Hakim

    I once had a patient who at the start of my night shift I found her all covered in blood, the room floor and curtain and walls had blood on them, turned out she had ripped off her 2 infusion IV lines which were covered in soft roll, her JP drain and her foley catheter which was secured, and she was sitting in bed all calm and didn’t realize what she did wrong.

  19. Chazz Erickson

    I was just a patient but back in 2011 i was admitted for 3 months and i got bored sometimes so i messed with one of my favorite nurses, i kept turning the lights on from my bed and asking her to turn them off, i did this a few times then she caught on and she looked at me and said “im gonna get you back” and the next morning the day shift nurse comes in and she was checking my pressure olcer on my coxix and she said “you know you have merry Christmas written on your butt in sharpie” well she got me back haha and i had no idea.

  20. hollyb55@gmail.com

    i once had a little 90 yr old male pt. about 3am we saw him coming down the hallway, of course he was confused. he had his gown on backwards. he had his arms 1/2 way up as in a surrender position. he had a little duck walk. as he waddled his privates was swinging from side to side. another nurse ask if he belonged to me. i said yes & put him back to bed. thank god it wasnt 3pm.

  21. facebook_user_841251719248118

    Had a patient that called 911 everyday to report being held captive by a fake facility with fake doctors and nurses with fake credentials conducting experiments. 911 use to call us back to see if we really needed them.

  22. Edith Phillips

    An elderly lady wrote a note saying to call police, that she was being held prisoner in room 3__ and threw it out the window. A passerby brought it in to the registration desk.

  23. KaybeeRN

    I worked in a jail and one patient was trying everything to get sent to the hospital. He put a pencil up his penis. I called the doctor, who told me to get it out. After I told her I didn’t believe that was in my scope of practice she said send him. While I was filling out his ER paperwork he asked me what the doctor said. I told him she said once the infection built up it would push the pencil out. Next thing I knew he was handing over the pencil, a chunk of concrete and a metal clip from an arm band, all which he had stored in his penis.

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