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10 ooky things you’ll find in the hospital

Jeff Richardson
Jeff Richardson

What “ooks” you on the job? Agatha Lellis presented her take and, of course, and we wanted to find out what’s the ookiest to you! So we asked our nurses at our Funny Nurses Facebook page and had some great answers.

Here are 10… let us know if you agree or have more to add!

1. “A remote control in the folds of the fat.”

—Christine T.

2. “When you pull the socks off someone and it’s like a blizzard. Bonus points if you recently applied Chapstick. Seriously, gimme a GI bleed any day, just don’t make me take the socks off a nursing home patient.”
Caitlin D.

3. “Ooky things would be a urinal beside a meal tray, a emesis basin full of sputum and Kleenex full of sputum everywhere.”
Kathy S.

4. “False teeth that haven’t been cleaned in forever, then doing it for the poor neglected patient…I just can’t take it, lol, but it needs to be done!”
—Sheydeen S.

5. “Thongs hanging out the rear end of fellow nurses!”
Allyson L.

6. “Pulling off a sock and realizing a gangrenous toe came with it…”
Terri M.

7.  “The KFC chicken bones, boxes and soda cans, in ICU, strewn about the NPO patient’s room, left behind by the patient’s caring family. Talk about bacterial infection waiting to brew…”
Dianne K.

8. “The local funeral home donating flowers to a nursing home…that’s just not right!”
Sally B.

9. “Visitors’ children crawling all over the floors.”
Cheryl H.

10. “Specimen handling without gloves! You know who you are!”
Elizabeth C.

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22 Responses to 10 ooky things you’ll find in the hospital

  1. Loupatient

    Cell phone ‘hidden’ in thong of psych patient.

  2. Taryn Brenner

    This wasn’t me it was a friend who is an ICU nurse. Trach patient in ICU. As my friend was checking him over, he coughed to clear his trach. Out comes a big trach loogie and it goes flying. It lands right in my nurse friends mouth and goes right down her throat. She ran from the room and blew chunks. The patient was also the sweetest guy on the face of the earth and he could not stop apologizing to her. She felt so guilty for blowing chunks and making him feel so bad that he couldn’t stop apologizing until he told her that he had been a nurse before he ended up sick and trached and he told her that he would have blown chunks too and that is why he kept apologizing. She told him that since he got it and to quit apologizing. She was fine and she could tell by the way he cleared his trach that he couldn’t breathe and breathing was more important.

    I also known of an RT this happened to at a different hospital doing trach care. That one I witnessed and she didn’t even get out of the room, she puked right in front of the patient.

    • Nurse Born

      ewwww. Used to work with a lot of trachs, glad to say that never happened!

  3. janedoe58

    We admitted a semiconscious 750 lb. lady. During the admission assessment I found an egg sandwich stuck under her breast, along with all the yeast growing there also.

    • Ruth Telford

      I think the egg salad sandwich wins. My story: As I student nurse I had to give an old lady an oil retention enema due to her being clogged beyond help. So, as I was instilling the last little bit of oil, boom all over my nice white uniform, the bed sheet and onto the wallpaper behind me! A classmate who was ‘observing’ so she’d know how to do the procedure next time got a little bit of it. We decided if we could possibly avoid it there wouldn’t be a next time!

    • Ruth Telford

      I think the egg salad sandwich wins. My story: As a student nurse I had to give an old lady an oil retention enema due to her being clogged beyond help. So, as I was instilling the last little bit of oil, boom all over my nice white uniform, the bed sheet and onto the wallpaper behind me! A classmate who was ‘observing’ so she’d know how to do the procedure next time got a little bit of it. We decided if we could possibly avoid it there wouldn’t be a next time!

  4. carolslee1949

    One of our nursing home residents complained that his slippers didn’t fit anymore, where too tight. Thinking maybe he had edema, we removed slippers, nasty socks, and found toe nails sooooo long they were growing over the ends of his toes. We proceeded to soak his feet, then clipped his nails. What I couldn’t understand and later addressed was the fact that the CNA’s who bathed this resident never said a thing about his long toe nails!

  5. SICU1985@aol.com

    When you are at the bedside to do trach. care and when you put the side rail down, you put your gloved had on sputum or slide in it on the floor or notice it on the wall. I worked in Surgical Intensive Care and did trach. care a lot. Give me dirty dentures any day.

    • Vintagegirl13

      Oh my goodness Yes. I can’t stand sputum even the thought of it makes me want to vomit. But when you have a patient who insists on using the floor, the wall, his water glass or even your shoes as a sputum container-that just grosses me out!

  6. msjudie

    Charting in a trached patients room when he coughed out a huge chunk. Hit the computer screen so hard it changed my page. The only thing going through my mind was thanking the stars it didn’t hit the back of my head! I turned and reminded him it was courteous to cover when coughing. He was red with embarrassment.

  7. rsharron

    Emergency patient came in to have foriegn body removed from back passage…. Removed a china tea cup !?!?!

  8. Amber Brodie

    I once found a ham and cheese sandwich in the fat folds of a morbidly obese patient. It was all dried up and moldy……but the worst was when I entered the room of a laboring patient to be the baby nurse and her water broke at that moment and I got a mouthful of meconium stained amniotic fluid. It was as salty and slimey as you could imagine.

  9. Becca

    Ok, FIRST, I SWEARRRRRRR THIS IS TRUE!!!!

    About 15 years ago….General Medicine/High Risk Cardiology Floor, Sunday evening, 1845,
    15 min before shift ends, ER brings up new admit. NOT MY PT, but I was HELPING other nurse so we could ALL leave on time.

    Admission Dx from ER : Infected Penile Implant ((no other details about that given)).

    We met transport in room to tx patient to the bed. Pts’ nurse introduces herself & me….says we’ll just get admit done, then it’ll be time for shift change. Pt is in his upper 70s, DIIIIIIRTY, no idea when his last shower was & he’d not cleaned his teeth or washed his hair in probably twice as long. He was NOT attractive A’TALL & had about 3# of Brylcream or NATURAL GREASE (who knows???) caked in his hair & MONTHS of leftover food & plaque stuck to his teeth. Had about an inch of dirt & grime literally •C•A•K•E•D• to his skin, along with bites & scabs……”$%#?€¥YYYYYYY’S me’name & ROMANCE is me’game!!!” His ACTUAL nurse replied “DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!! That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO INNAPPROPRIATE!!!!!” BUT…… NOT nearly as inappropriate as what came next…..As we went to help him change into a hospital gown & get him situated, ahhhhhhhhh, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURRRRPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSE!!!! Lovely CREEPY~CRAWLIES creeping & crawling all round said infected penile implant!!!! Yes, the ER transfer report just so happened to forget to mention that the penile implant was, in fact, INFECTED •W•I•T•H• MAGGOTS ANNNND ROACHES!!!!!!!! I’ve seen PLENTY of horrible things in my time, but THIS ONE REEEEEEALLLLLLLLLLLLLY takes the biscuit!!!!!

  10. dmhskm

    This qualifies as “funny” (dark humor) rather than ooky. Enjoyed the ooky ones, though. Found a set of upper dentures in a rather deep decubitus ulcer in the buttock of a nursing home patient. Huh?

  11. Vintagegirl13

    Taking socks off a patient and finding maggots in there!

    A patient spitting sputum at you when you walk in the room.

    And yes the dentures that haven’t been cleaned in forever.

  12. Frances Gibb

    worst thing I ever had to do was when paramedics brought in a homeless patient who had been laying in park He was crawling with maggots and myself and a Health Care Aide took him to bathe him There were maggots everywhere on him on us and on walls He was not at all happy about being bathed either. After this my shift was over and my friend told me she could not give me a ride home as she couldn’t have me in her car I wouldn’t have wanted me in car either I got a cab home and threw my clothes out and had a long long shower

  13. ReneeD

    Getting your beloved resident home from the hospital to find your dressing on their body dated 11 days ago!

  14. kellerrock123

    Colace hanging out of a residents mouth at pm from the noon med pass!

  15. ricksanz72

    Maybe my Catholic guilt upbringing makes this story weirder for me than it really is. I walked into a room to give my resident his HS meds and noticed that his roommate was getting his care for the night. After passing the meds I stopped to chat with the cna’s. One cna was helping the resident stand while the cute young cna was wiping down his bits. She must have wiped one too many times. The guy made the best OH OH! face and ejaculated all over her arm. My reaction wasn’t what I expected. I literally threw up in my mouth a little. Parts of my dinner made it back to my mouth. She just sat there and gagged uncontrollably.

  16. Nurse Nancy wannabe

    German cockroaches in the folds of my patient and completely infesting his electronic wheelchair then our unit.

  17. Nurse Nancy wannabe

    Suctioning identifiable chunks of hot dogs from a stabbing victims lungs. Haven’t eaten them since.

  18. gweneday@gmail.com

    I was taking care of a 350lb 16 year old that was a fresh C-section. I was performing peri care and was changing her pads while she was in bed Without warning she passed gas and blew blood and blood clots on my face and in my hair. Thank god none of the blood got into my mouth or eyes. But the smell of the fart made my eyes water.

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