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5 hilarious prescription transcriptions

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As we move further into the brave new world of computer charting and voice-recognition dictation at the facility where I spend my days, I’m noticing more and more comedic possibilities in what the doctors okay for their patients’ charts. I’ve compiled a few—anonymously, of course—for your reading pleasure.

 

1. “The patient states the pain is intermittent, is constant, is relieved by nothing, is exacerbated by nothing, is throbbing, is stabbing, is aching. The patient denies pain.”
That, right there, is why you should double check which boxes you’ve checked in the chart.

2. “The patient expired at eleven hundred hours, dammit.”
This is an example of a voice-recognition system not recognizing heavy accents.

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Agatha Lellis

Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at askauntieaggie@gmail.com.
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4 Responses to 5 hilarious prescription transcriptions

  1. babyRN

    Got a copy of a dictated discharge summary for a transfer patient at 24 weeks and 5 days pregnant which read, “All day today patient is 24 weeks pregnant.” As opposed to yesterday when she was…not? Love the intubated propofol patient having a conversation. What did they titrate the patient’s RASS to? :)

  2. kellyBean

    Patient is “a male friggin American.” ???
    Same doctor, aware of his poor enunciation was trying to help by spelling pt’s name, Avalon, and started out with “I — as in iple”

  3. sawdusta

    “Patient to increase physical activity to a 45 minute blow job”. No joke, no voice recognition software, had to be typed by an actual human. Thank God it was caught by the provider before signing!. Was supposed to say “slow jog”…

  4. CarrilynnRN

    Haha! Just the other day the Dr wrote a DME script: Versa Mode; as needed for obstructive sleep apnea
    😜??🚽

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