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5 lines I never want to hear on the job again

Hemera | ThinkStock

Hemera | ThinkStock

Consider this my public service announcement to patients and their families! Here are the five lines I never, ever want to hear at work again…

5. As I’m getting ready to administer IV pain medication, some wag in the room pipes up with, “Hey, Nurse! Give me some of that, willya?”

Friend, if anybody’s going to be getting pain medication besides the person in the bed, it will be this girl right here.

4. Usually from a nice, elderly person of either sex: “Don’t you think Doctor X is cute?” Doctor X is at the bedside.

Me: “When?”

3. “Boy, I’ll bet it’s nice, only having to work three days a week/I hear nurses make a ton of money.”

If I worked more than three days a week, I wouldn’t have any teeth left. They’d all be ground away. As for money, there are not yet tax breaks for being amazing, so no, not really.

2. Again, usually from an elderly person: “I miss the caps and skirts nurses used to wear.”

That’s obviously from a person who’s never tried to climb on a bed in a skirt, and who’s never had a cap fall into a sterile field. I reply that we tried to bring skirts back, but the male nurses complained.

And the Number One Thing I Never Want To Hear Again:

“You’re too smart to be a nurse.”

Hold on a second and let me see if I can’t find somebody stupid to titrate this medication, then.


Agatha Lellis

Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at

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10 Responses to 5 lines I never want to hear on the job again

  1. chanie911

    “Let me find somebody stupid to titrate this medication then”= BRILLIANT. I think that says it all…. :)
    (don’t get me started on docs and IV’s….I’ve literally ripped my own IV line–as a pt–out of an MD’s hand and told him I’d “take care of it myself”)

  2. htarceno RN

    How about – “must be great being a nurse. you can score some really good drugs when you want, huh?”

    Maybe – if I wanted to lose my license and spend time in jail

  3. Jennmike211

    I love when anyone with a body full of BODY ART tells me they “have a fear of needles”! REALLY

  4. susiqblue

    I hate to hear that I am the float nurse and being pulled to ob or the ER.

  5. K8cu97

    Hey Waitress!

  6. Hospice girl

    From a very sweet elderly. When I answered her light at 3am “honey I’m sorry to waken you”

  7. ensualg

    It happens just about daily. Assessing a patient before going to surgery. Do you wear glasses or contact lenses? Yes. Do you have dentures or partials? Yes. Do you have hearing aids? Wwhhaatt??? Always from a male. So not funny.

  8. razberry

    “Hey nurse, I’ve got some swelling going on my nether region, could you come check it out?!!!”

  9. Heatherdet

    Oh…she has seen it all before…doesn’t mean I want to see yours!!

  10. hotrod41

    One of the questions on the h&p was: What helps you sleep? 99% of the men answered Sex. I stopped asking that question since I already knew the answer, and grew tired of looking at the grin on their faces.