I have been a very, very good nurse this year.
I would like a charting monkey. I would name him Bongo, and he could ride on my back all day long. Whenever I entered a room and did an assessment, I could say, “Bongo! Chart this!” and he would type it into his little charting-monkey computer, without errors, and save me time that I could use to take care of people rather than printouts.
I would like a mobile massage therapist. She could come to the unit in the middle of the day, when I develop that weird crick in my right shoulder from typing too long, and rub that cramp right out. She could come to my house in the middle of the night when I wake up with leg cramps, and deal with those. She could sit behind me in the car and massage my scalp after a long day, except when I’m driving through construction zones.
I could really use a new pair of shoes. Please send the ones that improve my flexibility, my looks and my stride, and take 10 years off my age. While you’re at it, please ensure that they don’t stink by the end of the shift.
I would like mascara that doesn’t smear down onto my face when I’m sweating in isolation gear. I look like Tim Tebow halfway through the shift.
And finally, Santa darling, I would like a clear 30 minutes in the middle of the day to eat lunch without my beeper or phone going off, without crises that require my attention and without apologetic doctors barging into the breakroom.
Thank you for your consideration.
Love and kisses, and happy holidays!
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