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“Don’t worry, we don’t think it’s a bad cancer,” she said with a smile.

After I regained my composure and started breathing again, out popped, “So, what’s a good cancer?”

Sharing bad news with patients is tough no matter how much empathy training you’ve had. As a communications coach, I teach people that what your body says can be more powerful than the words you use or the empathy you share.

I recently read the following instructions on delivering bad news: “First, stand when addressing the patient, so they know who’s in charge. Second, hold an x-ray or other prop to show this is serious and that you are the expert.” Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Here’s my advice:

1. Avoid the bully stance. If you’re standing while the patient is sitting, the patient is less likely to talk because your body language says “bully.” Instead, meet the patient on his level, whether sitting or standing. Sit at a 90-degree angle to the patient or side by side. If you do want to communicate “I’m the expert,” all you have to do is use a palm-down hand gesture. It’s more professional and less intimidating than standing. To encourage the patient to ask questions, you don’t have to say a thing. Just turn your palm up and make eye contact. With a gentle smile and nod, you’ve nonverbally told the patient that it’s safe to talk.

2. Drop the prop. A prop is great, but it doesn’t prove your expertise. What it does do, however, is provide a reason to break eye contact and help in delivering bad news. The first thing a patient does when hearing bad news is inhale quickly and momentarily stop breathing. At that point, the patient can’t hear anything, so stop talking and break eye contact. Look at the x-ray or even the floor, but not at the patient. By breaking eye contact, you’re allowing the patient to have an emotional reaction without feeling embarrassed or rushed. Wait quietly and listen, maybe add a slow reassuring nod. Watch with your peripheral vision for the patient to “start” breathing again. Comfortable breathing is the key indicator that the patient is once again able to hear and comprehend the news.

3. Third person is the best person. Use the third person when delivering bad news. For example, say, “The x-ray says…” not “Your x-ray says….” Say, “The cancer is…” not “Your cancer is….” Using the third person allows the cancer to remain autonomous. The word “your” implies ownership.

What you do and say has a huge impact on the patient’s prognosis, so choose your words wisely and your gestures carefully.

Hemera | Ablestock.com | Getty Images

Healthcare professionals are used to stress. Unfortunately, it’s in the not-so-fine print of the job description.

So why is the holiday season different?

Although you have prepared for the ups and downs of workplace stress through training and experience, around this time of year, the holidays can make us feel at our wits’ end.

What we want to do can be very different from what we should do

The conflicting feelings of “want to do” and “should do” can be the basis of guilt and overwhelm, so why not nip them in the bud? Most of us are very good at rehearsing what we want to say and do, and not so good at preparing a new mental script for what we should say and do. Often, just tiny changes can alter the outcome this year and in years ahead by setting in motion a new pattern of behaviors.

People remember how we make them feel long after they remember what we said. Below are seven strategies to mix and match to have the wonder-filled holiday season we all dream about.

Strategy One: No response can be the best response. A smile and a change of subject or your location might be all that is needed.

Strategy Two –>

Image: Blend Images Photography | Veer

As a healthcare provider, you know that a patient’s body language often tells you more than her words do about how she’s feeling. At the same time, you’re sending your patients messages with your own body language. Rarely do we think about what message our body language might be sending. If your body language is relaxed and confident, you can help patients feel more relaxed and confident.

Many of your gestures, or nonverbals, are called baseline behaviors. You do them every day. You’ve been doing them for years. They’re automatic and may or may not be sending the message you want.

Five Body Gestures to Avoid

The following common five gestures do not display self-confidence; in fact, they actually lower your image in the eyes of the patient and fellow healthcare providers.

1. Fig-leaf hands. When you stand with one hand on top of the other, covering the groin region, you look smaller. Your body is saying, “I’m harmless,” “I’m shy” or “I’m afraid.” No matter how confident you feel or how much you know, the fig-leaf pose says, “I’m trying to be small.”

It’s like calling someone on the phone and then saying, “Oh, it’s just me.” No! It’s not just you! It’s You. The confident You. Get rid of that fig-leaf gesture (and the “fig-leaf” words “just me”).

2. Hands or thumbs in pockets. Hanging your thumbs off of your pockets, or having your hands deep in your pockets, usually sends a message of diminished self-confidence, something like “Geez, I hope you like me.” Worse yet, hands in pockets jiggling change is as good as saying, “I’m nervous and I hope you like me.” It can also send a message of exaggerated self-importance such as “I know I’m pretty neat” or “Let’s get moving here, I’m really bored.”

Pockets and waistbands are fraught with meaning. Tucking your thumbs into your waistband usually says, “I’m staking my territory,” which is a gesture of power, not influence. Avoid pockets and waistbands.

3. Hands clasped behind your back. Depending on context, this gesture, similar to the fig-leaf, can make you look smaller, as if to say, “I hope you like me.”

However, if someone has his hands clasped behind his back as part of a bigger pattern, often referred to as “the royal strut” (erect posture, slow gait, head held high), the body is saying, “You’d better fear me.” The royal strut conveys superiority and extreme self-confidence, and sends the message “I know I have power.”

4. Arms crossed over your chest. This stance is probably the most misinterpreted gesture. To some people it says, “I’m annoyed.” Others think it says, “I’m not open to discussion. I stand firm on what I said.”

But here’s another way to look at it. Some people automatically cross their arms when they are listening. Some cross their arms when they are cold. Maybe they are simply trying to hide a spot on their shirt or uniform. This gesture may be comfortable and easy, but it’s difficult to overcome what others read into this gesture. Try your best to avoid it simply because it’s loaded with so many misunderstandings and meanings of discomfort or being closed off.

5. Hands on hips. While this gesture makes you look bigger‚ it definitely carries a connotation of annoyance and judgment. It often sends the message “I’m ready for a fight” or “I’m really annoyed with you or the situation.”

Next, three good body gestures…