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Illustrated style quiz: Are you a fab or frumpy nurse?

Oh, honey…that top with those shoes?

Are you frumpy, fabulous or just plain that other f-word? Take this quiz and find out!

1. Wearing scrubs, bend over at the waist and look at your backside in a three-way mirror. What do you see?
a. The waistband of your scrubs
b. Preliminary qualification for plumber’s training
c. Glitter, some spangles and something that looks like tassels

2. Which of the following best describes the shoes you wear to work?
a. Clogs or tennis shoes
b. Often mistaken for archeological finds
c. Pink. Or spotted. Or leopard print. With a heel.

3. When a patient sees your hair, what do they think first?
a. “It won’t get in my surgical incision.”
b. “Primordial ooze.”
c. “David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust.”

4. How often do you clank, rattle or thunk as you walk down the hall?
a. All the time; I work in the ED.
b. All the time; I never clean out my pockets.
c. All the time; I like the bells on my feather boa to really ring out.

5. What’s your feeling on capri-length scrub pants?
a. Capri-length whaaaaaaa?!
b. They had those the last time I bought scrubs. In the 1980s.
c. Those are so adorable with my platform, lace-up clogs!

Mostly “a”: You’re doing fine. Your uniform and general appearance aren’t a distraction to your patients or your colleagues. You might try stepping up your game with a brightly colored stethoscope if you work in pediatrics, or with some seasonally appropriate earrings if that’s your thing, but for now, you just keep on doin’ what you’re doin’.

Mostly “b”: Everybody has an off day, but you shouldn’t look like you’ve had to ford a raging river on your way to work every day. If somebody from work has already asked how you get your shoes to do that thing they do, it might be time to get another pair—that don’t look like they could walk your rounds on their own.

Mostly “c”: I think I might work with you. Try backing off a little on the glittery eyeliner. Amaze and astound the people you work with by not showing up in a midriff-baring scrub top and ceil-blue hot pants. Remember that we’re not being lit by a follow spot and there is no curtain call for nurses at the end of their shifts. And for Heaven’s sake, tell me where you got those platform clogs, because oh my gosh, those are ADORABLE.

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