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Five nurse jokes

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“Keeping Sane” should be a chapter title in a nursing textbook, right?

On that note, here are a few nursing jokes for you! Stop us if you’ve heard this one before… 😉

1. The nurse who didn’t know where she was
Q: Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?
A: It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore!

2. Effective communication in nursing school
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four-hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely…

A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?”

3. Nursing knock-knock joke
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Billy.
Billy who?
Billy Rubin.

4. Nursing riddle
Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

She was taught in nursing school to always look for her patient’s best side.

5. Who needs friends like these?
A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery. The woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused. After the nurse had made her comfortable, she was confronted with four of the woman’s friends. One of them asked, “How is she?” The nurse replied, “Oh, she’s quite dopey.” One of the other friends said, “We know that, but how is she health-wise?”’

Have you heard any good jokes lately?

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Marijke Durning

Marijke is a professional writer who began her working career as a registered nurse over 25 years ago. After working in clinical areas ranging from rehab to intensive care, as a floor nurse to a supervisor, she found she could combine her extensive health knowledge with her love of writing. Although she has been published in a wide variety of publications for professionals and the general public, her passion is writing for the every day person to promote health literacy.
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One Response to Five nurse jokes

  1. maryannquiroz

    What is the difference between a rectal
    and oral thermometer? The taste! I usually ask new nursing students that just to fet the first day jitters out of the way!

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