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4 “sailor” jokes for nurses (you were warned!)

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Autopsy

They found a nurse who was deceased. Her stomach was empty, her bladder was full and her butt was half chewed off.

Submitted by Mary Ann Quiroz

Nurses Aren’t Supposed to Laugh

“Of course I won’t laugh,” said the nurse. “I’m a professional. In over 20 years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”

“Okay then,” said Fred, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen.

It had a length and width almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing.

Feeling terrible that she had laughed at the man’s genitals, she composed herself as well as she could.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won’t happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen,” Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.

Unknown

Happy Birthday!

A student nurse was working some clinical hours in a burn unit. One of the patients was a man who received the most unique birthday cake (baked by his mother-in-law).

The cake was in the shape of a woman’s torso, complete with big boobs and wearing a blue bikini.

The surprise? When the birthday man cut into the cake (between the legs—at the baker’s insistence), he found a CHERRY inside!

Needless to say, he met his high calorie needs for that day!

Submitted by Granny RN

What’s the Diff?

Q: What is the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer?

A: The taste!

This is an old joke told to new nursing students to get the first-day jitters out of the way!

Submitted by Mary Ann Quiroz

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2 Responses to 4 “sailor” jokes for nurses (you were warned!)

  1. rnpj2000 RN

    A burn patient is lying in his hospital bed, wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks “Are my testicles black?”

    “I’m sorry but I’m not medical staff, I can’t help you with that” she replies.

    “Oh, please have a look for me, I’m really worried; Are my testicles black?”

    Taking pity on his obvious distress the girl glances around the ward and, seeing there are no medical staff nearby . She pulls back the bed cover, lifts his penis out of the way and, cupping his testes in her hand tells him, with a note of relief in her voice, ” they look fine”.

    The patient pulls off his oxygen mask and said ” Thank you very much but I just wanted to know Are my test results back?”

  2. EKUnursing79

    A nurse came out of bathroom, a co-worker asked her why she had a tampon behind her ear. Embarrassed, she said, well I guess that explains where my ink pen is.

    Another nurse died, however it was three days before she realized that she was in hell.

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