We’ve all been there — you’re sitting at the nurse’s station or lying in bed actively imagining the infinite ways you could tell your lunatic boss “I quit!”
You visualize throwing her your resignation, haphazardly stuffing a box full of your most precious locker knick-knacks and high-fiving your nurse team as you bound out of the hospital, never to return again.
Dream all you want, but when reality strikes and future recommendations and contacts are on the line, you’ll probably just neatly pack your belongings and write one heck of a resignation letter that not only sings your bosses’ praises, but also thanks your coworkers for all the “good times.”
Or will you?
Here’s a list of the funniest ways people have quit their jobs.
(Hint: they weren’t so worried about future character references…)
Quit … Virtually.
What’s better than doing the “Who’s comin’ with me?” Jerry McGuire resignation boogie out of the office? Not being at work at all!
How you do it? Via the Internet, silly.
Quitting makes people nervous. It causes crazy eyes, sweaty body parts, and sometimes renders its subject unable to properly articulate thoughts, sentences, and yes, even words. That being said, this guy thought it was perfectly logical to record himself in said state — posting his craziness on the Internet for all to see.
Check out what happened…
Which brings us to…
Quit … With Nakedness.
What makes grown-ups rip off their clothing and get Spring Break rowdy?
Quitting, of course!
And, while we admit we’re not sure how the connection between nudity and job-loss works exactly, lots (and we mean lots) of men think it’s completely legitimate to do an “I quit” striptease before punching their timecards for the last time and being chased out of the building by security.
Just take a look at this naked-inspired quitting situation we drummed up — of course it’s safe for work. We don’t want to get you fired. Thanks to the powers of YouTube, your act of quitting a la nude can live in homes around the world … joy!
Quit … in Writing.
All who’ve read Hemingway know the guy isn’t known for cutsey, cuddly ways. A vicious drunk and a pretty rough-and-tumble fellow, it’s doubtful that anyone would think twice about letting him do whatever he wanted — even if that meant quitting a job or failing to finish out his book deal. Obviously, those people don’t know book publishers…
So when Hemingway found himself unhappily locked into a three-book deal, he did what any cerebral mastermind would do — he found a loophole. That loophole? Write a first manuscript so heinously riddled with themes of corruption, sexuality, and race that the publisher not only felt uncomfortable editing it, he rejected it on the spot. The result? Hemingway was sent forth on his merry way, plus a novel (The Torrents of Spring) and minus a tiresome publishing contract.
Quit … Like Coco.
Think about it — Conan O’Brien really got a bum deal. Imagine this: You’re a famed stand-up comic and people come from miles around to hear your innermost thoughts, feelings, and punch-lines. NBC not only recognizes your brilliance, but also gives you a sweet new show and an even sweeter paycheck. And just when you’re high on life and everything seems hunky-dory, bam, the Peacock decides your show isn’t the ratings juggernaut it was hoping for. You’re left feeling cold and alone, your only comfort the mild satisfaction that at least your shtick was better than mediocre.
We can only imagine this was how Conan felt after what we call “The Dreadful Conan vs. The Network Debacle of 2010.”
In the end, however, the network bigwigs were the ones left feeling pained. Not only did Conan escape with $45 million in his pocket, he also managed to hang on to his dignity. How you might ask? By spending wads of NBC’s cash during his last shows. Putting mouse ears on a Bugatti Veyronn, also known as the most expensive car in the world? So necessary. Having the band play a Beatles song, costing the network a cool half million? Why not?
Quit … Via Interpretive Dance.
If this sounds even vaguely familiar, we have good news for you — you can! We also think you’re a little odd. But first make sure to get two of your buddies, meticulously choreograph a dance routine, and set your life-changing moment to the sweet, melodic voice of the one and only Mr. Vanilla Ice.
Quit … With Food!
When you think cake, you think birthdays, celebrations, couples gingerly feeding each other sweet confections on their wedding days and … quitting? Somehow the two just don’t go together, right? Wrong.
Check out W. Neil Berrett’s resignation letter. Instead of handing HR a paper document declaring his liberation from the company, Berrett decided to convey his intent to resign on a full sheet cake.
“Dear Mr. Bowers,
During the past three years, my tenure at the Hunters Point Naval Shipyard has been nothing short of pure excitement, joy, and whim.
However, I have decided to spend more time with my family and attend to health issues that have recently arisen. I am proud to have been part of such an outstanding team and I wish this organization only the finest in future endeavors.
Please accept this cake as notification that I am leaving my position with NWT on March 27.
W. Neil Berrett”
And what’s better than quitting with just food? Quitting with food and drink!
Quit … With the Power of Cheez Whiz!
What says, “I’m not happy with my current position and therefore resign as store clerk” better than writing “I QUIT” in Cheese Whiz on the front windows of your workplace? Um, nothing.
And, no kidding, it actually happened. According to an employee at the Magnolia QFC in Seattle, WA, an employee of the store arrived on the scene drunk and disorderly only to verbally abuse one of his fellow checkers before scribbling (might we note legibly!) a cheese-whizy “I quit” while coworkers stood by in astonishment.
“Funniest Ways to Quit” was written by Christina Macres.
For more Career Advice for Nurses pick up the latest issue of Scrubs magazine, available at a retail store near you!