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Funny lists about nurses

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Ever wondered what the “dead giveaway” was that lets people know you’re a nurse?

Find out all about those quirks and nurse-isms about you and your profession (that haven’t gone unnoticed!) in this humorous collection of lists!

 

10 Reasons to Become a Nurse

  • Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren’t as good.
  • Fashionable shoes and sexy scrubs.
  • Needles: It’s better to give than to receive.
  • The pleasure of reassuring patients that all bleeding stops eventually.
  • Expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases.
  • Interesting aromas.
  • Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
  • Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
  • Celebrate the holidays with all your friends—at work.
  • Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.

Source:basicjokes.com/dtitles.php?cid=536

 

Top 10 reasons to date a nurse

Users on Facebook, the ultra successful social networking site, have virtually given birth to a new user-generated genre: the “Ten Reasons Why You Should Date an XYZ (name of your profession goes here) List.”

Lists have been published on the site for Why You Should Date a Single Mom, a Geek, a Wrestler and hundreds of other categories.

Not to be outdone, the medical professions have also posted “Ten Reasons Why You Should Date: a Physician, a Physical Therapist, an EMT, and other medical professions.

Nurses, of course, have their ten reasons. Here is one Top Ten Reasons You Should Date a Nurse List, courtesy of a group on Facebook:

1. They can help you get over a hangover or sickness.

2. Bedbaths!

3. The uniform.

4. They are exposed to so many xrays, it’s like a form of birth control.

5. You will never need to buy condoms, paracetamol, toothbrushes or any hospital supplies.

6. They know how to handle bodily fluids!

7. Nothing shocks a nurse, they have always seen smaller or indeed bigger!

8. They won’t be disgusted by your toilet habits.

9. They are experienced in manual evacuation when you are full of you know what.

10. They know how to handle the human body.

Posted by: Nursinglink

 

 

Hard to Live with a Nurse

It’s hard to live with a nurse because…

  • When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a plan on how to correct any noted problems.
  • Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut small pieces because she doesn’t want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday she’s had off in years.
  • You’ve been awakened from a dead sleep in the middle of the night to find her shaking you because your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.

Source: basicjokes.com/dtitles.php?cid=536

 

 

Our 19 funniest nursing quotes

If only we could take a nurse’s wit and put it in a bottle, we’d have enough medicine to cure the whole world!

Here are the top 19 editors’ picks for funniest reader comments that had us grabbing our sides and snickering into our monitors.

Thanks so much for the laughs, readers!

Reader comments

1. “I remember the fear of realizing on the first day [of nursing school] that watching every episode of ER would get me nowhere.”
— Victor on 16 things I remember from nursing school

2. “I worked with a new hire, Tiffany, who was ‘snug’ in a size 18 but wore size 12 pants. She always wore a thong, even though her scrub bottoms wouldn’t cover her hips, let alone her bum!! NO ONE wants to see that during a code or trauma in the ED…ick.”
— Kimberlee on The top 5 scrubs fashion blunders

4. “@ Michelle: Batman and Iron Man shirts have nothing on Charlie Brown, Winnie the Pooh and the Jonas Brothers scrubs designs.”
— Nicole Lehr on You know you’re a pediatric nurse when…

5. “AJU = All Jacked Up (multiple issues)
FTF = Failure to Fly (usually head-bonks, but can be used throughout traumas)
FLK with GLM/GLD = Funny Lookin’ Kid with Good Lookin’ Mom/Dad (probably a syndrome)
FLK with FLM/FLK = Funny Lookin’ Kid with Funny Lookin’ Mom/Dad (probably just genetics)
Capital A circled = can mean either ‘anxious’ or ‘a**hole,’ depending on the situation…one step above PITA.”
— NurseDaisy on Top 40 slang terms for nurses

6. “Love Hugh Laurie, but no, ONE doctor doesn’t do brain surgery, heart surgery, CT scans, blood draws, empties catheters, does angiograms and liver biopsies, etc. I always wonder why they don’t hire a medical consultant.”
— Bettymerchen on 7 ways Hollywood goofs up medicine

7. “My all-time favorite is when you wear regular dress clothes and a guy looks at you and says, ”I have never seen you with clothes on.” A doctor said this to me once. The nurses’ station got very quiet, and then when he walked away, there were lots of hoots!”
— Melanie on 5 things a male nurse should never say to a female nurse

8. “I used to say you must be a nurse if you believe speeding lead therapy (a bullet) is one of the best treatments for some patients.”
Vanessa Cain on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”

9. “Someone please tell the new kids (or whoever does this) that there is to be no crack on the unit. Besides dragging pants, there’s an awful lot of butt cracks showing with those low riders…arrgh!”
10 style tips from the Head Nurse

10. “Going along with the popcorn from a bedpan thing, I have also seen people on my floor drink pop out of the big graduates that we empty foleys and colostomys into! I can’t bring myself to do it because even though I know they are clean, I can’t get over the mental image.”

— Jessica on Nurse Jackie’s “You might be a nurse if…”

Facebook comments

1. “I just realized that I graduated from nursing school 20 years ago today! I remember drawing blood for the first time on a real person (not those fake mannequin arms with the red dyed liquid). One of the nurses I worked with was brave enough to let me practice on her. As I started through the skin, she yelled, ‘Ouch!’ It startled me so much I dropped the needle. It was hanging off her arm, half in and half out, as she said through gritted teeth, ‘Finish shoving it all the way in!’ I did. Finished drawing the blood and we still laugh about that to this day.”
—Cindi Beck Jenkins

2. “Psych hospital, struggling with a difficult patient during a tense situation. While trying to restrain said patient, bottoms came loose and fell down as I was tackled to the floor. Now lying on the floor (which is covered in urine from the patient’s refusal to use the restroom) and restraining patient with pants around my ankles. Then staff shows up in room to this image. Will never live it down (and want to shower every time I even think about it).”
—Jeffrey Bodurka

3.”‘Positive Revlon Sign’—you can tell when a patient is feeling better when she starts to wear makeup.”
— Jenn O’Keefe

4. “This isn’t a slang term but something I heard between a doctor and an RN who know each other well. She was questioning his orders and he said, ‘Do you see MD after my name? That means Makes Decisions.’ She replied quickly with, “Do you see RN after mine? It stands for Resists/Refuses Nonsense.’ LOL!”
— Maranda Leigh

5. “TMB. One of my favorite doctors actually used this as a diagnosis—’Too Many Birthdays’! Haha.”
— Amanda Belcher Klumpp

6. “I was taking care of a 96-year-old black lady who thanked me repeatedly for being an angel. ‘Oh, I’m no angel,’ I assured her, ‘just ask my kids. They think I’m the Wicked Witch of the West.’ Without skipping a beat, she said, ‘Child, that means you’re doing your job.’ I love that lady sooooo much and have used her line repeatedly on my kids, much to their displeasure!”
— Maureen Evers

7. “I took a nap in the broom closet and forgot to wake up, and the entire staff looked for me for an hour. They thought someone had kidnapped me because it was on third shift and the nursing home was out in the boondocks.”
— Patrika Cos

8. “Nap? What is that? Being a nurse I rarely find myself with the luxury of a nap. Those little catnaps work wonders, though…I woke up with my head on the laundry basket in the closet. I only got down there to find my missing shoe, I swear. LOL!”

— Tina Christensen

9. “One time when I had worked a double and came back the next day, I had very little sleep in between and was sooooo tired I fell asleep sitting on the toilet!”
— Cathi Alexia Spears


You know you’re a student nurse when…

The good, the bad and everything in between, you know you’re a student nurse when:

  1. You’re walking around looking like a marshmallow in  your stiff, unstructured, stark-white scrubs.
  2. You are more excited about drawing blood than all the vampires in Twilight put together.
  3. Prepping an IV piggyback is fun.
  4. You’re more excited about giving shots than you are taking shots, and your non-nursing friends don’t get it…
  5. People look at you weird when you throw medical terms into your daily conversations.
  6. You’re banned from talking about your day at the dinner table because you’re family gets grossed out (see Nursing student table etiquette).
  7. Getting to wear colorful scrubs for the first time is the highlight of your year!
  8. You check on your patient every 20 minutes with “How are you feeling now?” and “Is there anything else I can get you?” until they’re almost sick of you.
  9. You perform physical assessments on your family: listening to lung sounds at every cough, bowel sounds with an upset stomach, and every time someone has an ache you ask them to rate it on a scale from 1-10.
  10. Consequently, you’ve become the “resident nurse” at home and you’re now expected to be able to answer  questions about mystery diagnoses and know how to treat every ache and pain.
  11. You volunteer to clean up and bandage your niece/nephew’s boo-boos and owies.
  12. You try to diagnose all kinds of symptomatology based on the chapter you just read – and you think you’re coming down with every disease in the book, including the mental illnesses.
  13. Sadly, every time there’s a code-blue, even though you’re really scared and anxious, there’s still a small part of you that is excited to see what happens.
  14. You try to convince your friends to go into nursing.
  15. The night before clinical you’re so anxious you can’t get a decent night’s sleep, and until  you’re 2 hours into your shift your stomach is in knots.
  16. You can take a morning break, but you don’t want to because you might miss out on some big experience.
  17. You’ve become a professional vital-sign-taker (even if you constantly check to make sure their within normal limits!).
  18. And a professional accu-checker.
  19. You watch TV hospital dramas and comment through the whole show about how that would NEVER happen in real life.
  20. You vent to your family about how overwhelmed you feel with all the papers due and tests to study for, but for some reason, you wouldn’t trade it for any other career out there.

And…of course…you know you’re a student nurse when you’re proud to become a part of such an amazing, compassionate, and fulfilling profession.

Written by: Ani Burr

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25 Responses to Funny lists about nurses

  1. TDK

    TSTL: Too stupid to live.
    You can’t kill a mean person.
    DRT: dead right there.
    ER Nurse to new intern: just do what I tell you to do.
    I can deal with blood, vomit, diarrhea and just about any other kind of fluid you can think of… but I HATE spit.

  2. You know your a nurse if:
    a. You think an emesis basin makes a good bananna boat.
    b. You have used a specimen cup for a beverage cup

  3. Tonia Fath

    You might be a nurse if you use paper tape to wrap all of your christmas gifts.

  4. laurie

    you have used a scalpel to cut cake at work

  5. nancy

    If while you and your friends/family are having a conversation, instead of listening, you are admiring those huge veins that would be so “easy” to start and IV in!!

  6. Bonnie Wanglie

    You know you are a nurse when you can clean up the biggest code brown, or any other bodily fluid, and then go on break and eat a meal without any problem.

  7. As a nurse you must get use to eating between puking, code browns, bleeding outs, and wound care. If we didn’t eat between all gross skills, we would not eat for the entire twelve hour shift!

  8. Shannon

    You might be a nurse if you think you can eat a bean burrito in one hand and clean up poop with the other at the same time.

  9. irishe

    you are a nurse if you cut the spike in the IV tubings and hang it as a key chain in your bag..

  10. nancy

    You know you are a nurse you if give your patient a good bye hug at the end of your shift while they are sitting on the BSC!

  11. Pamela

    POF PRN (Pillow Over Face PRN) =)

  12. kathrina

    you’re a nurse if you use a tourniquet as ponytail to your hair

  13. Sheryl

    TOBASH – “Take out back shoot in head”
    AMF, YO-YO – “Audios mother-f__er, your on your own”
    UBR – Under bridge resident.

  14. Shannon, I don’t think I could do the two-handed “deal” you described above…..but……lol

  15. Melissa

    “Go-Lightly” should have been called “Go-Heavily” instead!

  16. Linda

    You might be a nurse if …
    You know what snow ’em and blow ’em refers to
    You understand TFTL (Too fat to live)
    You know by the smell whether it’s C-Diff or not
    You work by the rule “those who do not participate cannot be trusted.”
    Your best friends are Succs and Propofol

  17. Angie Walden

    I love u guys….plz tell me how I can get an subscription

  18. @Angie Awe, thanks. We love you too! At this time our print magazine comes out three times a year and can only be purchased at your local scrubs retailer or online. All the info you need is here:http://scrubsmag.com/magazine/

  19. Diana B., RN, Diva Nurse

    You might be a nurse if:

    You’ve ever basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a 60 ml piston syringe.

    You own at least 3 keychains, pens, mugs, pads, or othe items with the names of prescription medications on them.

    You hope there’s a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.

    You don’t have a problem discussing C.diff while eating chocolate pudding.

    You’ve ever used an ABD as a makeshift sanitary pad.

  20. Debie

    As a nursing student & Nursing Assistant…… oh boy I see it all already… but C-Diff.. still can’t get over that wonderful scent, guess I will…….Thanks!

  21. Amy

    ROTFL!!!!! I have done the :vein admiration thing, cleaned up crap then went back to finsih my suppr at the nurse’s station, used tape to extra seal mail or tape a note to the yard man on my door. Here is my add:

    you know you’re a nurse when what bothers you about the spilled blood on your white shoes is not the blood itself-but that stain that will be hell to get all the way out!!!!

    Or when you help the sweet little old lady turn over in bed- you EXPECT to have her fart in your face…it just happens. The men never fart in your face bc they don’t hold them in til they spontaneously burst out.

    And lastly : you know you’re a nurse when you work on a “poker face” to not show just how funky the patients bowel movement has made the entire room.

  22. susan

    art – at room temp
    bid – brought in dead
    gomer- get out of my er
    ftd- fixin’ to die
    you don’t need a c-diff toxin culture- the smell will tell

  23. shan

    Let’s also not forget how tempting “pillow therapy” sounds at 2am when the pt in question has been on the light since 7 pm.

  24. trubled72

    another reason to date a nurse… we know how to restrain you legally.

  25. THOMAPL

    Why are nurses beleagured with ads like this, and the crap they give us on Nurses Day? Can you imagine the same thing being offered or given to physicians? This entire Scrubs effort is a grotesque insult, an appalling example of disrespect and sexism. Period.

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