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Funny remarks nurses could live without

Nurses—though we are beacons of kindness, compassion and patience, we too have our pain points.

Yes, charting is a total drag. And, yes, a poor vending machine selection (who even likes “grape”?) can really ruffle some feathers. But what really takes the day-old break-room cake are those uncouth statements that can still make the blood boil.

Eager to understand the comments that nurses wouldn’t mind banning from the hospital grounds altogether (and maybe for a kick or two), we turned to our Funny Nurses Facebook page and asked you to share some of the less appetizing remarks you’ve encountered.

Needless to say—we salute you. Here’s why:

1. “I used to do drugs, so if you give me the needle, I can get the blood for you.” Jennifer S.

2. “‘I’m allergic to 5mg oxy, but 10mg is okay.’ WHAT?!?!?!” —Brenda R.

3. “So many docs say, ‘You would have been a great doctor.’ My response, ‘You might have made a good nurse.'” Robin L.

4. “Well, this is the way we’ve always done it.”Sarah G.

5. “Line 1: ‘Are you the doctor’s wife?’ No, I wouldn’t be working. Line 2: ‘Are you the doctor’s daughter?’ Uh—no. I wouldn’t be working.” Lex Avril M.

6. “From employers: ‘You’re not short—you just have an increased patient-to-nurse ratio….'” Natalia R.

7. “Not you. I want a real nurse.” —Salita R.

 8. “Are you old enough to be working as a nurse?”Nikki M.

 9. “I pay you to do this job….” —Anette G.

10. “‘I hope you are good at sticking because I’ve got rolling veins’…get it on the first try. LOL!” —Nikki M.

We know these can’t be all of ’em—share some of the outrageous remarks that you’ve heard in the comments section below!

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14 Responses to Funny remarks nurses could live without

  1. devsmum

    Please don’t put that Oxygen mask on me, i am seriously allergic to oxygen

  2. devsmum

    I cant have that IV saline drip. I am allergic to salt water

    • Charles1a

      I’ve heard this one! Allergy to saline. I was giving an injection and he did not want it ‘diluted’ with saline because the salt made it hurt.

  3. devsmum

    is that anaesthetist a real doctor? Is he going to be with me for the whole surgery?

  4. carolslee1949

    Many years ago, I was working as an LVN. I was very short and small at that time and looked younger than my stated age. A doctor, apparently known for his odd sense of humor, asked me, in front of the staff, what I wanted to be when I grew up. Without missing a beat, I told him that I was thinking about nursing, but at this point wasn’t so sure anymore. The staff just howled, as not many people had the nerve to say anything back to this doctor. By the way, the doctor gave me a little grin.

  5. Becca

    To admission questions……

    Q: What kind of diet are you on?

    A: I’m on the “Seafood Diet,” I see food & I eat it,” yuk, yuk, yuk.

    Q: Are you hard of hearing a’tall?

    A: “What? What?? What’s that?? I couldn’t hear you,” yuk, yuk, yuk.

    BOTH responses ((& many, MANY others)) said as if THEY are THE VERY FIRST PERSON to ever come up with this witty ((NOT)), hilarious ((NOT)) answer…..when in fact, I’ve already heard BOTH ((& many, MANY MORE!!!!)) 15 times TODAY!!!!

  6. Linda Feaster

    I was an OR nurse and would get “I didn’t recognize you with clothes on. ” when I would run into one of the docs when I was in street clothes.

  7. Amy Hicks

    The line I loathe the very most: “that’s why you make the big bucks”! If the person saying this knew anything at all about nursing they’d know I DON’T make “big bucks”.

    • NurseW

      I got this one the other day, “Your job isn’t that hard. The doctors write the orders and you just do what they say.”

      • Nurse1mci

        “If we just followed orders”, anyone could be a nurse. We go to college and have nursing degrees and take boards. We are expected to be patient advocates. We don’t just “follow orders”. We are the only chance a patient has. We use our nursing judgment and call the doctor and question orders that might not be in the best interest of the patient. In response we get told that “we are just nurses” yep JAN is a real acronym. I’ve worked with doctors of all types. The ones that say: “ok if that’s what you think we should do; write it and I’ll sign it” all the way to “I’m the Doctor and you are just here to follow my orders”. The first group is still practicing the second group has called for legal council. And yep I’m a legal consultant.

  8. carolllannie

    The #1 most irritating comment to a nurse? ” Oh Waitress!!!”.

    • reesie80

      RN does not stand for refreshments and narcotics! I wear the shirt proudly at work!

  9. reesie80

    I work night shift and the 2 things I hate hearing are:
    1. “It must be nice to get paid to watch people sleep”
    2. When a call light goes off during the shift, you go answer it and hear, I’m sorry to wake you, but I have to go to the bathroom.

    Nobody sleeps in the hospital at night! Not the patients and definitely not the nurses!

  10. sjwade

    I have worked mother-baby for 18+years, and the one thing people say that I really can’t stand is “You must love your job-you get to sit around and hold babies all night!” I always tell them it isn’t so much fun when you are in the nursery by yourself with 18 screaming babies!

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