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Funny stories: Oral contraceptive?

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Years ago when I was a nursing student, I had to spend a day at the local health department. A lady came in obviously very pregnant for prenatal care. The seasoned nurse I was shadowing appeared somewhat exasperated. Apparently this lady already had seven children. Here is their exchange:

Nurse: “I thought you didn’t want any more babies!”
Patient: “I don’t.”
Nurse: “Well, we discussed birth control and I gave you a diaphragm with spermicidal jelly, so what happened?”
Patient: “I don’t know. I ATE THAT WHOLE TUBE OF JELLY!”

I tried to keep a straight face, but I thought my mentor was going to have a heart attack. I’ve seen a little bit of everything over the years, but this has stayed with me. I learned to make sure my instructions are perfectly clear!

Robin Moses Gambrel is a contract RN to various hospitals. She has been a nurse since 1976.

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14 Responses to Funny stories: Oral contraceptive?

  1. Jennifer

    a peasant went to the doctor for constipation, doctor gave him a suppository and told him to put in his rectum. The wife asked the man what doctor said, he said, I don’t know, didn’t understand. Go ask him said the wife. He went back and the doctor clarified: insert it in past your anus. Went back to his wife and said, I don’t want to ask him again; he may get mad. Wife said you need to, ask him again. Went back and the doctor said: shove it down your ass. The peasant said to the wife, you see? we made the doctor really get mad at me for asking questions!

  2. mari

    working in health department and a young women and her boyfriend came in to find out why she was pregnant. The young women went out of the room to get her blood drawn and the boyfriend stayed in the room with me. He was lamenting as to how she became pregnant so I asked him if she had consistently taken her birth conrol pills and he said adamently yes…but then he paused and said “well there was this week that she was sick and he took them for her” I was speechless and had to leave the room for a moment before I explained to him that it did not quite work that way…

  3. Argy

    My dad, a doctor in his outpatient clinic, prescribed a suppository to one of his patients and sent him on his way. The man came back a day later saying that he was having way too hard a time taking the medication, and asking him to give him something else. When my dad asked what the problem was, the man answered that the foil (which he hadn’t been removing) hurt too much when he was inserting the suppository.

    A woman he saw had a yeast infection for which he prescribed a vaginal suppository. She also came back complaining that “the pills were too hard to swallow”.

  4. Stella T

    I’ll never forget this story my professor told us in in nursing school.

    The patient was being discharged and he was prescribed suppositories to take at home. A few days later he was readmitted to the hospital in a worse condition than when he left, so the nurse asked if he had been taking his meds as prescribed. He said that of course he was. She asked him to explain how he is taking them so she can see if he was doing it properly..so he said, “What do you think, I’m shoving it up my a$$?”

  5. Margaret LPN

    Another Diaphram story.
    A woman presented in ER with fever and unbearable abdomenal pain.He also had a horrible odor about her.
    Unpon examination had severe pelvic infection.When asked about birth control admitted to recently receiveing a diaphram,to which she was supposed to be using jelly with.She was asked what kind and replied “Welch’s”(Yes as inGRAPE!!)
    Hence the severe pelvic infection!

  6. barbara

    I was making rounds with a doctor one saturday morning and he had a patient with orchiditis and severe edema of testes/scrotom. The doctor asked the patient is his testicles were still bothering him–to which the patient said no. When doctor left the room–the patient said to me, “I really don’t know what the doctor asked me about—but my balls are killing me.” I had to leave the room to compose myself!

  7. barbara

    I was making rounds with a doctor one saturday morning and he had a patient with orchiditis and severe edema of testes/scrotom. The doctor asked the patient is his testicles were still bothering him–to which the patient said no. When doctor left the room–the patient said to me, “I really don’t know what the doctor asked me about—but my balls are killing me.” I had to leave the room to compose myself!

  8. Ha ha, I can’t stop laughing…

  9. Rachael

    When I was in Nursing school we were sent to remote locations in pairs and one week were were in a rural primary care clinic. I was helping one of the nurses draw up some vaccines when one of the docs comes in laughing so hard he could hardly breath…when he regained his composure he showed us where the other nursing student had written on the chart of a patient that had an infected wound on his left arm…”pt c/o white pussy drainage from his left arm”…Her assignment that day was to use the word purulent in a sentence!!

  10. Here’s a story that my teacher used to reinforce the fact that you need to have your patient demonstrate they understand the teaching.

    A patient who was recently discharged from the hospital with newly diagnosed Diabetes was seen on his follow up visit. At the appointment it was found that his blood sugar was really high. The nurse (my teacher) asked him if he had been taking his insulin correctly. The patient swore up and down that he was. So she asked him to tell her how he was administering his insulin. The patient replied “Exactly like they showed me at the hospital, I inject it into the orange and eat it.”

  11. acates11 Caption Contest

    Had a patient who drove 3 12 hours one way on Thanksgiving to the ER because he was constipated. Asked why he didn’t just go to the local drug or food store and buy a laxative he replied back that here he would get it free. Well needless to say the doc wasn’t to happy about the patients reply. Doc gave him two bottles of mag citrate told him to drink both and then head home. Needless to say the patient probably wasn’t constipated by the time he got home!!!

  12. nursebrittany

    I have 3 personal ICU nursing stories:

    1) It was all I could do to keep a straight face when my patient’s family walked in to the patient’s room, looked at him sitting up in bed, wearing a nasal cannula, talking to me as I gave him a pill…and the family looks at me with the serious look on their faces and asks, “so, is my father off that ventilator tube yet?”

    2) another family asked me if I could just take out “that breathing tube” for a little while, so they could visit…then I could put the tube back in after they leave.

    3) another family came out to the nurse’s station, angry with me because “mama could breathe better if you’d get that tube outta her throat” needless to say I did A LOT of critical care education for them!

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