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Any nurse who has been rejected by a nurse clique or has been the victim of another nurse’s malicious gossip wonders, “Weren’t we all supposed to grow out of this?”
Unfortunately, no.
According to one study, 38 percent of working adults have experienced bullying at work and 42 percent have witnessed bullying behavior. And while most workplace bullies are men, women can be bullies, too: 40 percent of all workplace bullies are female, according to the “Workplace Bullying Institute.”
What exactly is workplace bullying? For the most part, you can rely on the old adage “I know it when I see it.” If you prefer something more concrete, try this definition: “any vexatious behavior in the form of repeated and hostile or unwanted conduct, verbal comments, actions or gestures that affect an employee’s dignity or psychological or physical integrity and that result in a harmful work environment for the employee” (Canada Safety Council, 2005).
If a fellow nurse is bullying you, refuse to stoop to her level. Don’t answer her rude or unfounded allegations; she’s just trying to get a rise out of you, and if you respond, she wins. Instead, hold your head high and continue to do your job as competently and professionally as ever. That doesn’t mean, however, that you should simply ignore the bully. If you can, confront the bully in a professional manner. Don’t scream, yell or cry; simply call her on her behavior and tell her you will not tolerate it anymore.
Start a file and document your interactions with the nurse bully. You may need this material later to provide evidence of hostility over time. Keep your statements as objective as possible: who, what, where and when. Include quotes whenever possible.
Report the bullying behavior to your nurse manager as well. She needs to know what’s going on, and ideally will take steps to stop the behavior. If not, you may need to progress up the chain of command.
It’s also important to seek support. Talk to a trusted coworker, friend or spouse, and find a way to release some of the stress you may feel as a result of the bullying. Whatever you do, don’t let the bully get the best of you. You’re better than that.
Working with primarily women I have seen the likes of cliques that form at work, or badmouthing other coworkers behind people’s backs. Women are the ultimate gossipers, and I think it is important for all women to remember the golden rule about treating others as you would want to be treated. Some people cannot control their mouths but if you are the type that can, tell the gabber in the nicest, most tactful manner that the person they are talking about would probably not enjoy the fact that you are talking behind their back. And suggest that perhaps a face-to-face conversation with that person would be more productive. Don’t join in. Although it sounds like something that would exist in high school, the issue exists today.
By Nicole, RN on January 18, 2010 at 6:46 pm
What can you do if this person is your DON?
By Carol on January 25, 2010 at 6:46 am
bullies are everywhere not just in the NHS. I was never bullied but I did see colleagues being bullied. nursing is a profession that has changed over the years.
By youngschultz on February 19, 2010 at 3:22 am
Nurse bullies are definitely out there in many workplaces. After 17 years of nursing in many different hospitals and deaprtments, I recently had the unfortunate opportunity to have to work with the meanest nurse I had ever known or seen. We were co-charge nurses in the same department. I had been a staff nurse in the dept. for 3 years when she was hired. Initally things were fairly smooth but after about 4 months of working together, she began to exhibit hostile behavior such as : ignoring my questions, walking away when I asked a question or giving me an impatient, agitated, curt answer. I am SO not a bully, so I began to feel intimidated and eventually avoided asking her anything unless I absolutely had to. This is EXACTLY what she wanted me to feel. I approached her privately about the difficulty I was having with communication between us, but all she would say was how stressful and hard her job was and how she had to check behind all her nurses’ work because they all “lacked critical thinking skills”. Over the next 2 months she became more and more hostile toward me. I went to our nurse mgr. 4 different times but things NEVER improved. In private charge nurse meetings with just the mgr. and us 2, I learned how she had agendas to convince our mgr. that several nurses in our dept. didn’t have the skills to work in our dept. and should be transferred out or let go. I saw our mgr. believing more and more of what she was saying and agreeing with her. I left my job there because I could no longer take the stress. I had lost 10 lbs. the last month I was there and had to go onto high blood pressure meds. It just wasn’t worth it. I worry about many of my dear friends who are still there and still dealing with the bully. Bullies create an environment that puts patient safety at risk. I saw that first hand. Why can’t we all just work together and support and love each other??? I now have fears about going into another work environment where I might be another bullie’s target. One thing I learned : DOCUMENT every incident, take it to the mgr. and ask that a copy be placed into your file, keep a copy for yourself. Go to the next level of mgmt. and the next and keep DOCUMENTING. And, hang in there.
By Jane on February 19, 2010 at 6:39 pm
i just left a facility,and boy,i’m so much happier now!money was lousy,6 to 7 patients for each nurse,and the most unprofessional group of nurses that i’ve ever seen.team work was non existence.one sweet day,the night shift charge nurse slaaped my back,while yelling “let the charge nurse speak first!”i did not say anything.next am,i went to my nurse manager, and i said “such and such did that yesterday.i really hope you deal with her, because i’m about to sue her for assault,battery,and harrassement in the work place.i guess the magic word “law suit” shut the heck of the unprofessional charge nurse.2 days after the incident,she was fakely calling me “sweety”.nasty bastard!
By selma on May 18, 2010 at 7:21 pm
I recently left my department because my DON was a huge micro–managing bully. I stuck it out for quite awhile before realizing that leaving was the only solution. I literally tried everything—including submitting an 8-page document to HR outlining her extremely hostile and unprofessional behavior–but nothing worked. HR claims they’ve had complaints about this person for 2 years and are ‘building a file’ against her. I am so much happier now that I’m out of that toxic atmosphere! Sometimes the only solution is to leave, which is extremely unfortunate.
By jenni on May 19, 2010 at 5:36 am