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Our Favorite Mistakes Made in the Pursuit of Care
(Some New Ones, Some Old Ones, But All Good Ones…)
1. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
2. Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
3. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
4. Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
5. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
6. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
7. He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
8. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling much better.
9. The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
10. Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
11. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Got any more good bloopers to share? Post them below!
Myself and the nurses I work with in the ICU wonder how to spell “having pus” i.e. “the wound site has a pu**y drainage” just doesn’t look right! Any suggestions?
Purulent drainage
RN
Registered Nurse
The adjective you want is purulent
“Patient was alert and unresponsive.” LOL! That’s my favorite.
Use the word purulent…instead of pus..y…purulent drainage
The patient , a 76 c/f , awoke this am in a coma .
Its not pu**y its purulent drainage
Purulent drainage…it means pus…sy drainage.
I love to ask other nurses how to spell pus-E. after they say ‘pussy’ i laugh
One time I wrote “Patient is confident of bowel and bladder.”
Another time I wrote “Patient is an alert & oriented 200 lb. barbell.” (I don’t know where that came from – I must have gone to the gym that day.)
thick yellow exudate
I followed a nurse one day who had written “Patient is following a diabetic diet and counting cards.”
We get about 40 email reports per day from nurses, techs & transcriptionists, goofy notes by MDs.
Here’s one so off-the-wall we included it in our book, “America’s Dumbest Doctors” :
“Going through a natural opening – such as the rectum or vagina – to get to the gall bladder, is being looked at excitedly by a lot of us.”
Dr. Marc Bessler, The Natural Orifice Surgery Consortium Seminar
(See the Medical Maniacs website for the worst of the worst)
“pt kept continually asking me to rub his balls” yes, the ortho-spine doc really wrote balls.
Pt with bil BKA has assessment notes in chart…”bil pedal pulses in tact…heals off loaded. (This is wrong on so many levels)
“Pt resting quietly in bedpan.”
Attending MD wrote in pt’s chart, ordering a referral for nephrology regarding Chronic Kidney Disease:
“F/U CKD in AM”
Had an MD write “Discharged per God” after a patient expired.
But some of the best are transcription errors…
We had a radiology report for a CT angio of the chest hanging up in the dictation area that said a potential cause of the patient’s SOB might be due to “uterus plugging.” Say what???
Say a Doctor order once that said “for patient to walk in hell daily” LOL
Saw this on dictation “The pt got very and threw her Cock all over the floor.”
Patient walked into clinic saying he didn’t have a heart beat!
We had patient who had large bedsores… the doctor, who was from Iran, wrote in his notes that the man was more holy than Jesus…. (you couldn’t help but laugh)…
“the patient smoked like a fish”
One of my nurse mentors in newborn nursery wrote
“Dad at bedside…swollen scrotum noted.” LOL
My all-time favorite: “Large BM, ambulating in the hall”
resident Dr. ordered “scratch Pt’s balls PRN”
These are very funny!! One time while charting and chatting with my co-worker, details of our conversation ended up in my patient’s note. Nothing bad of course but thats what I get for chatting and charting at the same time.
Had a patient that was an ordered random tub feeder… pour it in him 6 timed when ever…..???? I had to get clarification…..
Pt easily aroused. I don’t think that arousing patients is part of my job discription.
RN
Registered Nurse
Found one from a patient I got from ER once; “Patient good historian…unble to obtain good history, obtained from wife…patient is a widower” Where do I start?! I actually asked the Nurse giving me report how the seance (sic) went She laughed when I explained why!
The book “America’s Dumbest Doctors” reveals thousands of page of the most bizarre doctor comments known to man, i.e.:
“The patient’s skin was somewhat pale but present,”
(So glad that skinless, CSI-look is out this year)
“Both breasts are equal & reactive to light and accommodation.”
(Amazing what happens when you unsnap a living bra)
“While in the ER she was examined, x-rated and sent home.”
(Still think your hospital is more fun than our hospital?)
“Patient’s rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid.”
(We’ll take your word for it, Dr. Long Arm)
“Examination of the genitals reveals that he is circus-sized.”
(Now we’re feeling inadequate)
Trust me: lab coat lunacy is alive & thriving.
Caption Contest
Caption Contest Winner!
RN
Registered Nurse
One of my favorites: “Pt resting comfortably in bed. FLACC 0. VSS. Lungs CTA. Pronounced TOD @ 1640.”