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Nurse Jokes: 11 crazy hospital chart bloopers

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Our Favorite Mistakes Made in the Pursuit of Care

(Some New Ones, Some Old Ones, But All Good Ones…)

1. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

2. Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

3. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

4. Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

5. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

6. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

7. He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.

8. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling much better.

9. The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.

10. Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.

11. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Got any more good bloopers to share? Post them below!

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66 Responses to Nurse Jokes: 11 crazy hospital chart bloopers

  1. Laura Jones

    Myself and the nurses I work with in the ICU wonder how to spell “having pus” i.e. “the wound site has a pu**y drainage” just doesn’t look right! Any suggestions?

    • Melissa, RN

      Purulent drainage

    • cavandre RN

      The adjective you want is purulent

    • chimera1

      Haha, I was charting while in the distance 2 other nurses were discussing recipes’ for summer salad. I wrote ” cleansed with NS, patted dry with 2×2 gauze and covered with mango island dsg”. Was supposed to be “mini island dsg” lol

  2. Deanna Foster

    “Patient was alert and unresponsive.” LOL! That’s my favorite. :D

  3. kati

    Use the word purulent…instead of pus..y…purulent drainage

    • highadobe

      I agree purulent is the word…so funny when I have seen wound descriptions “pussy” lol

  4. Deb J

    The patient , a 76 c/f , awoke this am in a coma .

  5. robert

    Its not pu**y its purulent drainage

  6. Charity Heilman

    Purulent drainage…it means pus…sy drainage. :)

  7. michele

    I love to ask other nurses how to spell pus-E. after they say ‘pussy’ i laugh

  8. Diana B.

    One time I wrote “Patient is confident of bowel and bladder.”

    Another time I wrote “Patient is an alert & oriented 200 lb. barbell.” (I don’t know where that came from – I must have gone to the gym that day.)

  9. Beverly

    thick yellow exudate

  10. Rhonda W

    I followed a nurse one day who had written “Patient is following a diabetic diet and counting cards.”

  11. We get about 40 email reports per day from nurses, techs & transcriptionists, goofy notes by MDs.

    Here’s one so off-the-wall we included it in our book, “America’s Dumbest Doctors” :

    “Going through a natural opening – such as the rectum or vagina – to get to the gall bladder, is being looked at excitedly by a lot of us.”

    Dr. Marc Bessler, The Natural Orifice Surgery Consortium Seminar

    (See the Medical Maniacs website for the worst of the worst)

  12. mike

    “pt kept continually asking me to rub his balls” yes, the ortho-spine doc really wrote balls.

  13. Real Nut

    Pt with bil BKA has assessment notes in chart…”bil pedal pulses in tact…heals off loaded. (This is wrong on so many levels)

  14. Rachael

    “Pt resting quietly in bedpan.”

  15. Nancy

    Attending MD wrote in pt’s chart, ordering a referral for nephrology regarding Chronic Kidney Disease:

    “F/U CKD in AM”

  16. Angel

    Had an MD write “Discharged per God” after a patient expired.
    But some of the best are transcription errors…

    We had a radiology report for a CT angio of the chest hanging up in the dictation area that said a potential cause of the patient’s SOB might be due to “uterus plugging.” Say what???

  17. Charles

    Say a Doctor order once that said “for patient to walk in hell daily” LOL

  18. Becky C

    Saw this on dictation “The pt got very and threw her Cock all over the floor.”

  19. Gaye Tuft

    Patient walked into clinic saying he didn’t have a heart beat!

    • zsuda

      Old lady walked in: ” I have to much pressure in my blood” :)

  20. Comancheshadow

    We had patient who had large bedsores… the doctor, who was from Iran, wrote in his notes that the man was more holy than Jesus…. (you couldn’t help but laugh)…

  21. Jill Ramel

    “the patient smoked like a fish”

  22. Heather

    One of my nurse mentors in newborn nursery wrote
    “Dad at bedside…swollen scrotum noted.” LOL

  23. Kathy

    My all-time favorite: “Large BM, ambulating in the hall”

  24. jim

    resident Dr. ordered “scratch Pt’s balls PRN”

  25. jen

    These are very funny!! One time while charting and chatting with my co-worker, details of our conversation ended up in my patient’s note. Nothing bad of course but thats what I get for chatting and charting at the same time.

  26. Sue

    Had a patient that was an ordered random tub feeder… pour it in him 6 timed when ever…..???? I had to get clarification…..

  27. Pt easily aroused. I don’t think that arousing patients is part of my job discription.

  28. Malenurse1 RN

    Found one from a patient I got from ER once; “Patient good historian…unble to obtain good history, obtained from wife…patient is a widower” Where do I start?! I actually asked the Nurse giving me report how the seance (sic) went She laughed when I explained why!

  29. PatricParamedic

    The book “America’s Dumbest Doctors” reveals thousands of page of the most bizarre doctor comments known to man, i.e.:

    “The patient’s skin was somewhat pale but present,”
    (So glad that skinless, CSI-look is out this year)

    “Both breasts are equal & reactive to light and accommodation.”
    (Amazing what happens when you unsnap a living bra)

    “While in the ER she was examined, x-rated and sent home.”
    (Still think your hospital is more fun than our hospital?)

    “Patient’s rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid.”
    (We’ll take your word for it, Dr. Long Arm)

    “Examination of the genitals reveals that he is circus-sized.”
    (Now we’re feeling inadequate)

    Trust me: lab coat lunacy is alive & thriving.

  30. beliefnhope Caption Contest

    One of my favorites: “Pt resting comfortably in bed. FLACC 0. VSS. Lungs CTA. Pronounced TOD @ 1640.”

  31. Mekalisman

    “16 year old male, asleep but easily aroused” charted in PICU by me.

  32. lmh1830

    Patient had pussy substance coming out of wound. I never had the heart to the doctor that you can’t put a y on pus

  33. chris123574

    I followed a nurse who wrote on the 24 hour report that a resident’s leg got bumped into by another resident..it was an “assident”

  34. Mugsy

    Someone booked a case over the phone – Forekin lesions,
    It was actually 4 skin lesions.
    It was very confusing to the patient when the circulating nurse started to prep his groined with Betadine…
    Thank goodness the patient had a sense of humor!

  35. Masecas2004

    A nurse I work with charted a patient was “unable to use the urinal due to his penis being small”.

  36. SpinRN

    A L&D nurse once charted, “Dr @breast, baby @ bedside.”

  37. tallgirls4@icloud.com

    I charted: Soft restraints to BUE d/t Pt attempts to self sextubate.

  38. krissynoel69

    Resident has pussy drainage

  39. kidd_RN

    “Report given to night shit nurse”…

  40. lang_ging

    baby is active , awake, and NURSE INSIde the incubator.. :-) :-)

  41. nursiebabe93

    Funniest thing I every saw was the following:
    patient found laying in a puddle of water covered in catsup (catsup was scratched out) mustard.

    Get your condiments right doc! Lol
    Turned out to be true though!

  42. steelers8643

    Nurse was supposed to write an order for Tussi Organidin and wrote tussi orgasm instead lol

  43. susiqblue

    these are hilarious!! Once I charted that the pt. was resting quietly, watching the super bowel.

  44. KellyyGracee

    Still a student but what was believed to be a voice to text recording by a doctor of Indian decent stated, “The patient was at home and choked on a hard dog.” He meant hot dog but needless to say it got a few laughs from my instructor, fellow students and I.

  45. malorita

    I work in a pediatric office and was told by a grandmother that when she wiped the child’s buttock it was red and he screamed.. only I wrote when she whipped his buttock… talk about a typo, haha.

    • squimother1

      love it! we absolutely have to be able to laugh at ourselves!!

  46. childersrn

    Reviewed Transfer record another nurse had completed. Under medications she had written ” sliding scale insulin with accu checks two hours post perineal”

  47. squimother1

    I was trying really hard to make a good impression to the ambulance officer when handing over my patient…I told the ambo that a few years ago the patient had sustained a “sub- arachnoid haemorrhoid” :(

  48. squimother1

    When discussing the findings of a 3rd year student nurse, I asked what could be heard when ausculating the heart sounds…apparently the student was listening to ‘the cervix opening and shutting’.

    • squimother1

      oops, serves me right for teasing the student…meant AUSCULTATING!!

      • squimother1

        I was working as a midwife on a postnatal/ women’s surgical ward which occasionally was required to take male patients when the hospital was full. I wrote in a patient’s notes that the patient has been assisted to hand express and the expressed breast milk was finger fed to the baby. Except I wrote it in the notes of a patient who was an outlie- a 70 year old male. :(

  49. hope my knees last

    Many years ago when we still did paper charting, one of my tired co-workers wrote “gone to Wal-mart come on over”. Lol i guess she was listening to the conversations around her.

  50. crazdmomof4

    while eating hot wings and charting I wrote… ” patient without signs or symptoms of pain or discomfort no need for hot wings”

  51. jlgoodwin

    I was taking care of a sweet elderly lady in ICU. I was sitting next to the Surgeon reading her History and Physical. and this is what we read:

    Patient had a Normal Black Male this morning…..

    BM can mean more than bowel movement…lmbo

  52. Gramma

    One of our doctors dictated orders over the phone to a member of his office staff. He signed, evidently, without reading. The orders were for ” strict Eyes and Nose”.

  53. Gramma

    Watched a student nurse try to put cervical traction around the patient’s hips.

    Had a phlebotomist on 11-7 shift complain that she could only get a bare minimum of blood out of the patient and 7 tubes were ordered. I related to her that the patient had been dead for about three hours……she never came back to work.

    We had one of those sayings about elderly who would take their medications other than as recommended. OFS meaning old fart’s syndrome. One of our cardiologist actually started to use it as an abbreviation .

  54. momarida

    Patient’s vital signs are stable. She has no temperature. :p

  55. Stillcrazy9063

    Had a patient many years ago in MICU who had a GI bleed we just could not locate. So one of the Residents has the genius idea to squirt a roll of Kerlix with Factor VIII and stick it up the patient’s butt. I ask the doc when he plans to extract said Kerlix and he says ‘in a few days’. I said I was going to make sure I wasn’t around for that and he laughed and said he’d try to make sure I was. So two days later he comes in before I got to work (worked 1-11 PM) and then returned later that afternoon saying it was time to take out the Kerlix. You can only imagine how it smelled and he removes it, leaves the room, and closes the patient’s door to chart there at the nurses desk outside the room. I told him no way – if I had to smell it, HE had to smell it so I opened the door. By that time, the entire unit smelled like this 2 day old rectal insertion, so I went into the supply room to look for some air freshener. The only thing I could find was a can of stuff that had the scent of leather and I proceeded to spray it up and down the hallway of the MICU. An hour or so later, one of the nurses starting her shift at 3 PM walks in the unit, scrunched up her nose and said “oh my God, what is that stench? It smells like somebody sh*t on a saddle!”. I still laugh about that to this day,

  56. wcdove58

    One evening I was charting and I charted, “Patient shitting on side of bed.” Fortunately, I proofread my charting before saving it on the computer and corrected “shitting” to “sitting. “