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It started with a group of us chatting over coffee. “Let’s collect funny stuff we overhear.”
We asked around, posted the idea on Facebook and were inundated with random anecdotes. The first version got a great response, so here are more of your submissions – The Scrubs Team.
Add yours in the comments below and you may be featured in a new installment!
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Nurse 1: Did you bring the charts?
Nurse 2: No.
Nurse 1: Why not?
Nurse 2: I didn’t want to.
Overheard by K. Stennis
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Nurse to Friend: Were you worried about catching swine flu?
Friend: Not really, I stopped eating pork years ago.
Supposedly overheard by D. Luntz [but we've heard this one, too!]
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MD: Can you hand me one of those Popsicle sticks?
Nurse: You mean tongue depressors?
MD: You know what I mean.
Overheard by R. Zimmerman
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Patient: I don’t have insurance.
Nurse: Don’t worry. Neither do I.
Overheard by A Torres.
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Nurse 1: I got a full night’s sleep, but I’m still tired.
Nurse 2: To think, you could have done something fun last night and woke up feeling the same way.
Nurse 1: Now I’m depressed and tired.
Overheard by T. Kimura
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Got any more? Share them in our comments below!
Spoken by a blonde unit secretary: “Thank Goodness It’s……What day IS this, anyway?”
Nurse: why do you have a horse in the hospital
patient: he’s a service animal I have seizures
nurse: okay where is his nametag and vest?
patient: he ate them.
Patient (my dad): I need to pee
nurse: you have a catheter
Patient: no I dont
Me: Dad yes you do they had to put one in just go
Patient: (looks under sheets turns pale) “they shaved my junk!”
nurse: yep it’s all gone, that’s gonna itch later.
MD: (says as he is pulling the sheets back) Sir, can you wiggle your toes for me.
Me (RN): Umm, he doesn’t have any legs…
MD: Oh, so I see. Guess not then, huh?
a patient is obviously limping into the triage area.
points to his right leg, then looks at me and annouces ‘its not my leg!!!’
so I look at him and said ‘well , whose leg is it then?’
My husband explains to the nurse in the ER how he got hurt.
paitent: I was tearing down a tree house because it was a liablity and the whole thing collapsed.
Nurse: (chuckling).. and you became the liability.
pt: oh I feel so faint, oh I don’t feel so good
Nurse: checking vitals–It’s prolly because u walked to the restroom…
Pt: oh, I should’ve ran
We faxed the doctor that the patient was not acting like herself. His reply was “well, then who is she acting like?” Same doctor was faxed about a patient and asked, “what would you like us to do?” He said come over and wash my car and mow my lawn. Oh same doctor years earlier was called about a patient pulling his catheter out as he climbed over the edge of his bed. Doctor was told he had a bleeding from the Urethra. Doctor’s instructions “Apply pressure for two to three hours.”
Nurse one: I smell french fries
Nurse two: I just farted.
During a night shift…
Nurse 1: Do you know Megan’s last name?
Nurse 2: Megan who?
Nurse 1: ………
Nurse: Do you ever have episodes of incontinence?
Patient: What’s incontinence?
Nurse: Do you ever have accidents before you can get to the bathroom?
Patient: I had an accident going to the store once.
I was prepping a patient for carpal tunnel surgery. I asked if she was right or left handed and she answered, “I’m bisexual, I use both hands.” I will be using that example when teaching medical terminology!
had to think about that one…… LOL!
on a Forensics Unit -
Nurse 1: what’s the story on the new guy in 12?
Nurse 2: one armed bandit
Nurse 1: you mean he’s a compulsive gambler?
Nurse 2: No, he’s got one arm and robs people