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Overheard from the nurse’s station II


It started with a group of us chatting over coffee. “Let’s collect funny stuff we overhear.”

We asked around, posted the idea on Facebook and were inundated with random anecdotes. The first version got a great response, so here are more of your submissions – The Scrubs Team.

Add yours in the comments below and you may be featured in a new installment!
Nurse 1: Did you bring the charts?

Nurse 2: No.

Nurse 1: Why not?

Nurse 2: I didn’t want to.

Overheard by K. Stennis
Nurse to Friend: Were you worried about catching swine flu?

Friend: Not really, I stopped eating pork years ago.

Supposedly overheard by D. Luntz [but we’ve heard this one, too!]
MD: Can you hand me one of those Popsicle sticks?

Nurse: You mean tongue depressors?

MD: You know what I mean.

Overheard by R. Zimmerman
Patient: I don’t have insurance.

Nurse: Don’t worry. Neither do I.

Overheard by A Torres.
Nurse 1: I got a full night’s sleep, but I’m still tired.

Nurse 2: To think, you could have done something fun last night and woke up feeling the same way.

Nurse 1: Now I’m depressed and tired.

Overheard by T. Kimura
Got any more? Share them in our comments below!



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19 Responses to Overheard from the nurse’s station II

  1. B. Reed

    Spoken by a blonde unit secretary: “Thank Goodness It’s……What day IS this, anyway?”

  2. stephanie W.

    Nurse: why do you have a horse in the hospital
    patient: he’s a service animal I have seizures
    nurse: okay where is his nametag and vest?
    patient: he ate them.

  3. stephanie

    Patient (my dad): I need to pee
    nurse: you have a catheter
    Patient: no I dont
    Me: Dad yes you do they had to put one in just go
    Patient: (looks under sheets turns pale) “they shaved my junk!”
    nurse: yep it’s all gone, that’s gonna itch later.

  4. Steph B.

    MD: (says as he is pulling the sheets back) Sir, can you wiggle your toes for me.
    Me (RN): Umm, he doesn’t have any legs…
    MD: Oh, so I see. Guess not then, huh?

  5. Laura Michels

    a patient is obviously limping into the triage area.
    points to his right leg, then looks at me and annouces ‘its not my leg!!!’
    so I look at him and said ‘well , whose leg is it then?’

  6. gail S.

    My husband explains to the nurse in the ER how he got hurt.
    paitent: I was tearing down a tree house because it was a liablity and the whole thing collapsed.
    Nurse: (chuckling).. and you became the liability.

  7. ashely

    pt: oh I feel so faint, oh I don’t feel so good
    Nurse: checking vitals–It’s prolly because u walked to the restroom…
    Pt: oh, I should’ve ran

    • pjdxxxwa

      I certainly hope it wasn’t a nurse that said ‘prolly’

  8. Vicki

    We faxed the doctor that the patient was not acting like herself. His reply was “well, then who is she acting like?” Same doctor was faxed about a patient and asked, “what would you like us to do?” He said come over and wash my car and mow my lawn. Oh same doctor years earlier was called about a patient pulling his catheter out as he climbed over the edge of his bed. Doctor was told he had a bleeding from the Urethra. Doctor’s instructions “Apply pressure for two to three hours.”

  9. anonymous

    Nurse one: I smell french fries
    Nurse two: I just farted.

  10. Jen

    During a night shift…

    Nurse 1: Do you know Megan’s last name?

    Nurse 2: Megan who?

    Nurse 1: ………

  11. K Taylor

    Nurse: Do you ever have episodes of incontinence?
    Patient: What’s incontinence?
    Nurse: Do you ever have accidents before you can get to the bathroom?
    Patient: I had an accident going to the store once.

  12. Kim

    I was prepping a patient for carpal tunnel surgery. I asked if she was right or left handed and she answered, “I’m bisexual, I use both hands.” I will be using that example when teaching medical terminology!

  13. htarceno RN

    on a Forensics Unit –

    Nurse 1: what’s the story on the new guy in 12?

    Nurse 2: one armed bandit

    Nurse 1: you mean he’s a compulsive gambler?

    Nurse 2: No, he’s got one arm and robs people

  14. lam134

    Nurse 1: It’s been open to air for the past three days
    Nurse 2: It’s not a wound, it’s dessert
    Nurse 1: Well whatever. I mean it hasn’t been covered

  15. pjdxxxwa

    Trying to cheer a compassionate Resident after hours of misery on losing a female patient I took drastic measures.

    Resident, end of shift, walking morosely toward my modular unit in the hall.
    Me: Doctor, do you know the difference between sex and a cup of coffee?
    Resident, aftet thinking a few seconds: No.
    Me: Want go out for some coffee?

    First smile of the night. 😉

  16. britamarie33

    Nurse: I have some personal questions for you
    16 yo Patient: well, why yes I do masterbate.
    Nurse: that’s fine, but I have other questions, do you use any drugs?
    16 yo patient: no
    Nurse: do you smoke?
    16 yo patient: no
    Nurse: do you drink alcohol?
    16 yo patient: no
    Nurse: are you sexually active?
    16 yo patient: yes
    Nurse: do you use protection?
    16 yo patient: yes, Trojan magnums
    Nurse: good, do you have any sores in your testicles or penis?
    16 yo patient: no
    Nurse: ok, do you have any discharge from your penis?
    16 yo patient: well isn’t that the point?
    Nurse: let me clarify any unusual discharge from your penis?
    16 yo patient: oh, well than no

  17. old rn

    RN: are you sexually active?
    female pt: no, i just lie there quietly….