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Overheard from the nurse’s station

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We asked and you responded! The funny tidbits keep pouring in.

Here’s the latest roundup of the best conversations that nurses overheard this week!

Nurse 1: Why don’t you try hypnosis to quit smoking? It worked for Matt Damon.
Nurse 2: Why don’t I also try writing a screenplay with Ben Affleck in it and win an Oscar?

Angela Kane, RN

Nurse 1: I’ve been a traveler the past three years.
Nurse 2: Did you backpack?

Jamal Franklin, RN

Nurse: What’s your regular doctor’s name?
Patient: Oh my gosh, I have no idea. Maybe it’s John? I always just call him Dr. Becker.

Maria Ramirez, RN

Nurse: [Preparing an S/C needle] You don’t seem to have much fat on your arm.
Patient: Oh, no. Does that mean you have to put it in my butt?

Nora Stevens, RN, MS, CCNS, CCRN

Nurse: Kyle, your weight is 67 pounds—that’s five more pounds than you were last summer.
Patient: How much does Spider-Man weigh this summer?

Peggy Kirkland, RN

Share your favorite “overheards” with us!

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22 Responses to Overheard from the nurse’s station

  1. TDK227

    Nurse: what brought you into the hospital today?
    Patient: the bus.

    Nurse: how long have you had stomach pain?
    Patient: Ten years.
    Nurse: so why did you finally come in today?
    Patient: I got a ride.

    Nurse: How may I help you?
    Visitor: You need to see my son?
    Nurse: What is wrong with him?
    Visitor: He has the smiling mighty Jesus? (translates into spinal meningitis).

    Nurse: What is your emergency today?
    Patient: I am passing clogs. (vaginal bleeding, passing clots).

    I swear this was all said to me when I was the triage nurse in a very busy ED.

  2. Shauna

    Nurse: (trying to see how confused the patient was) Where are you?

    Patient: On page nine (really? I thought you were in the __ Hospital???)

  3. Shauna

    Patient : God told me that I didn’t have breast cancer

    Nurse: Oh really… (her history said that she had radiation tx for it)

  4. Michrllr

    Res: I can’t imagine why my rash isn’t getting better, I put that cream on it everyday
    Me: which one?
    Res: the one in the white bottle!!
    Me: oh the head and shoulders…..yea might not want that on there!!
    Res: oh so should I stop putting that spray on it too?
    Me: yea the hairspray? Prob a good idea also! (the rash was on her chest)

  5. Katherine Alspaugh, RN

    (Overheard during shift change) I tried to use a 20 gauge but ended up using a 22.

    It sounded like she was talking about a gun.

  6. Gina RN

    Nurse: How do you take your Coumadin?
    Patient: With water

  7. Jaime

    On an L&D unit: (pt in labor) I think I’m ready for my epidermal.

  8. TJ

    Parent: “How long do you think he will be incubated?”
    A dad asking how long his son will have a breathing tube.

    Along the same lines….when asking about past medical history, a parent said “my child has been incubated before”

    true story!!

  9. Tanya

    How bout the patients that tell you theyve been vomiking (vomiting)

  10. Erin BSN RN

    I had a professor in school who kept talking about brud crots (blood clots)

  11. Madison BSN RN

    Nurse: Do you have a history of mental disorders? (in admission/ H&P)
    Patient: Yeah, I did.. but I’ve been doing alot better since my doctor gave me that Hound Dog pill. (HALDOL)

    I about lost it! haha

  12. Vickie LPN

    Nurse: (After pt. explained symptoms of vaginal itching, burning and etc.) Maybe you have a yeast infection…

    Patient: (with confused look)…Naw, I ain’t been baking no bread!
    I had to just walk away!

  13. This is a true story, though I was not in the room when it (supposedly) happened. I was working in a busy ED when an OB resident came out of a pt’s room, doubled over with laughter. When I asked him what had happened, he said, “I was asking the patient about her (menstrual) flow, and she said, puzzled, “Flow? My flow be linoleum!” LOL!

  14. This is a personal one. My daughter was 15 and shadowed me in the ER on the fourth if July. She was able to observe a major trauma motorcycle accident team response. We went to a party on the fifth where my daughter loudly announced “I even watched my mom castrate a guy”, catheterize of course.

  15. I was doing a follow up call with a new breastfeeding mother. I asked her, “How often does the baby go to breast?” Her response, “Every time he eats.” I almost fell out of my chair!!
    And then there was the patient who reported to me that she had a “valve movement”…………

  16. rakhel

    I had a new dad write keeping track of his baby’s feedings and diapers. The baby was not nursing well but I did a complete double take when I saw what the dad had written under the “stool” column;
    “took shit”!!!

  17. ALE

    While in triage I had a patient write on the sign in slip “OMFG my ankle hurts like WTF”…she was almost 30.

  18. Granny Rene, RN x 35 yrs.

    Once on a ‘quiet’ day when I was sitting at the Charge Nurse’s Desk a new RN asked me, in front of the rest of the staff, if I ‘ever lifted a finger’.
    So I did…

  19. Sophia Wormwood

    I once had a double physical come into the office, a 3 year old girl and her 5 year old brother. When I asked them for urine samples the mom brought them both into the bathroom. I was right in the next room when I heard the little girl loudly announce; “but momma, I cannot do that, my vagina does not go in the cup like that”

  20. Danielle RN RN

    Had a patient write in her history:

    Carpool Tunnel

    • Molly Stokes RN

      I once had a very large, extremely psychotic patient that was picked up at the airport. He wanted to fly to “Bakabasinda” (another planet) During seclusion procedure he pointed his finger at me and yelled: “You, young lady, can get out of my time zone right now!” I did lose it. I couldn’t stop laughing.

  21. jadamsrn

    MD: Is the patient alert and oriented X 3?

    RN: More like A & O X unicorn.

    (That’s still a saying on my unit)