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Quiz: Are you ready to graduate?

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Are you ready to hit the floors as a new graduate nurse? Take this quiz to find out. It’s not as tough as the NCLEX, but it’s equally important you score well—for the sake of your future!
Nursing Scenario #1: You enter the breakroom to find that a grateful family has sent several trays of deli sandwiches, bags of chips and assorted desserts to the staff. You:
a. Lean out the door of the breakroom and holler the news to your colleagues.
b. Stuff as many sandwiches as you can into your mouth at once, damn the risk of choking.
c. Sneak out a plate of your favorites before passing the word that there’s food around.

Nursing Scenario #2: There’s a crowd of people in various stages of agitation between you and the time clock at the end of your shift. You:
a. Rush forward to see what the trouble is.
b. Push your way through the group, muttering, “Excuse me… Pardon me…”
c. Take an alternate route downstairs and punch out in the basement.

Nursing Scenario #3: A patient has had an Unfortunate Series of Events that has culminated in his bathroom being covered with an Unfortunate Series of Explosions. You:
a. Pretend it never happened, then call Housekeeping.
b. Clean it all up yourself, reminding yourself that this is why you entered nursing.
c. Make a list of people who owe you and call them.

Nursing Scenario #4: You return home after a long, messy day at work. You:
a. Fix dinner and play with the kids.
b. Hop online and lose yourself in a multiplayer game or Facebook.
c. Strip naked in the front yard and douse yourself with all-purpose cleaner, then come inside and set your scrubs ablaze while you mix a martini.

Nursing Scenario #5: A long-lost friend buttonholes you at a party. When they ask what you do, you say, “I’m a nurse.” They immediately begin telling you about their latest health problems. You:
a. Sigh inwardly and forget mingling for the rest of the night.
b. Hand over the name of a good general practitioner.
c. Excuse yourself by telling them that you’re an expert in neurothrapolinguistics, fromniddy blappotism or diabetic whangsols, and head for the beer cooler.

ANSWERS
If you answered mostly A’s, you’re a sweet, naive person with a really long few years ahead of you.

If you answered mostly B’s, you’re nearly a nurse right now.

If you answered mostly C’s, you’re cheating. You’ve been a nurse for at least a year already.

Good luck, graduates! All joking aside, I am excited and looking forward to working with you.

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Agatha Lellis

Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at askauntieaggie@gmail.com.
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