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It’s one of those ‘under the breath’ hush-hush topics that is usually only discussed in the break room or behind closed doors. The dating scene mixing with the working scene. We all have come across it, heck some of us may have even tried it! Do you think cupid has a place at work?

I mean, it’s not like we don’t have lives outside of work (right?). OK, maybe some of us do? Okay, okay…maybe some of us try! The fact of the matter is, we spend a lot of time working side-by-side with the same people. And given the right set of circumstances, and the right set of interests, that really cool co-worker you love to work with could develop into something more.

We all know  and work with nurses who are in relationships with other health care professionals. *cough *cough* (I’m married to a nurse). Is it right? Is it wrong? Why? Why not?

What if things go wrong?

I, for one, have never had a workplace romance as a nurse. I had a few failed workplace dates in my previous pre-nursing life, though. And, well since they were failures it made the workplace a tad uncomfortable. I use the word tad loosely for anyone who has walked in those shoes before. Stress levels are bad enough at work, do you really think you need that ‘ex’ crossing your path multiple times during your day? They are referred to as an ‘ex’ for a reason. And at work there is no escape sometimes.

I would say this is the major reason for being careful when deciding if this date/ romance is something you want to explore with your co-worker. If it doesn’t work out, how are you two going to handle the end-game when you’re both at work. That cool working relationship will be gone – jus’ sayin’. It’s food for thought.

But then again, what if things go right??

Now on the flip side of that coin, my wife and I have worked side by side. I think a couple can have a great working relationship as long as they keep it professional and respectful. There is no need to be calling each other pet names during the shift. Seriously. Oh, and the PDA (public displays of affection) – yeah that’s a big no-no. Remember, keep it professional. You’re not at home or out at a restaurant, you’re at work.

Oh, then there is the whole delegation of authority issue. Unless you are both holding the same rank in the greater scheme of things, this will definitely become a sensitive subject both in and out of work. When you and your significant other are having a ‘disagreeing’ moment – how are you going to handle giving or taking orders from them? Hmm, just more food for thought.

Oh, and one last piece to this puzzle. The last time I checked most facilities have a policy that addresses this very thing. In most cases you can’t work in the same department, although there are exceptions. I think these policies are in place to safeguard from any of the above ‘difficulties’ I have mentioned. If you start that romance, is he/she worth leaving your department?

Does cupid have a place at work? Both scenarios are workable, but I think it boils down to what will change if cupid shows up (or disappears for that matter!). Can you live with those changes?

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Stuff happens, right? Even though your head tells you not to get involved with someone at work, sometimes it’s unavoidable…and, yes, sometimes there is a happily ever after.

Having said that, an “office romance” in nursing can present a serious set of challenges in an already challenging environment: It can be distracting, especially if you encounter the other person frequently, and it can make coworkers uncomfortable and sometimes even hostile.

Here are some tips to take to heart, should you decide to dive in:

Know your hospital or company policy—both written and unwritten.

Maintain friendships with coworkers, and make it clear that you would never divulge department (or personal) secrets to your lover. At the same time, you should be wary of coworkers who pump you for confidential information they think you might be privy to because of your “special relationship.”

Keep details about your affair to yourself. Should the relationship dissolve, do your job and stay silent about your ex.

Always remain professional. Public displays of affection are off limits! One colleague told me that a few of the couples who did marry went so far as to call each other by their titles and surnames while on duty.

Dating a coworker definitely doesn’t have to be, in the words of a nurse friend, “disaster, disaster, disaster.” But ultimately, in nursing as in life, discretion is usually the better part of valor.

To read more tips—including what to do when you run into co-workers, or want to drive in to work together—read the complete story in the 2010 Winter Edition of Scrubs Magazine, available at your local scrubs retailer. Find a retailer who carries Scrubs Magazine here.

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By nature of the profession and the work that we do as nurses, doctors, or other medical staff, we are routinely exposed to the sick, the dying, the tragic accident, the miracles of medicine, the joy of cures.

Also by nature of our profession, I see on a daily basis the organic reasons for life, the physiology behind somebody healing from an illness, how medicine works on a human body to fix their ailments.

On the other hand, I also see what goes wrong and I see when a body’s organs fail to function properly and what the end result is. When we have a death at the hospital, a common question that floats around the nursing staff is “what happened” or “why did they die?” Although there is oftentimes a medical “reason” for such travesty, do we ever really know why?

I was raised in a Christian household and taught that God has the ultimate control over our lives. I pray every night before I go to sleep for the health and happiness of my family and friends. Fortunately, in my own life, aside from aging grandparents, my family and friends have led relatively healthy lives- and I thank God for that. But I’m certain that families of children at the hospital have also prayed every night for God’s healing hands to help their dying child. As a nurse (and as a believer in God) one of the greatest struggles to overcome is that three letter word, why.

Why would God take the life of an innocent child? Why would He heal this child but allow the one next door to suffer? Why would He put such a wonderful family through so much turmoil?

One of my very first posts on this blog was about a boy whom I referred to as Frog Boy. He was a patient at our hospital that I met the previous year at a summer camp, and we grew extremely close to one another during his months spent in the hospital awaiting a heart transplant. Five days after his ninth birthday he died suddenly one evening from a “silent” coronary event.

His current heart was a transplanted heart back from when he was just over a year old and because during transplantation you lack innervation to the new heart, these children oftentimes do not have warning signs of a heart attack like the average person would have. Along with being completely devastated by his death and angry that I was not there to be with him, for months as other kids were getting their transplants my prior-to-bed prayers were spent questioning why that beloved child was not given more of a chance.

I hit a low at work after his death. I felt burnt out, angry, sad and most dramatically directed this frustration at God. I would watch the news at home and see criminals surviving police chases, murderers getting acquitted of their crimes, people on a daily basis breaking into homes and robbing people at gunpoint. Why did these people live and such a vibrant child with so much life ahead of him have to die? How could God do that to his family, his siblings, and selfishly, me?

Then one day it hit me. Everyone’s time spent here on earth has a meaning and a role that they play in life. For some, it takes a lifetime well into adulthood to figure out that meaning or to fulfill it. For others, they are so wise beyond their years and have such an impact on those surrounding them that they only need a short time.

That young boy, even at the ripe young age of 9, touched so many lives in his short lifetime because of his huge heart, even though it was sick. He brought smiles to those that needed some sunshine, and he brought optimism to those that didn’t think they could go on. He was a child basically locked up in the hospital attached to an IV pole, and he had a better spirit than most people I know.

Perhaps he knew his time was limited, that’s one thing that I will be sure to ask him when I see him in heaven. All I know is that I am a better person today because of him, and his life and subsequent death has taught me that even amidst tragedy we must remember life and not dwell on the why. I know he is happily acting as my guardian angel and looking over the child that got the heart that he was waiting for. God knew he was special and thought he could continue doing all of his good from heaven.

Since then, when deaths have occurred, no matter what age or circumstance, I have not turned away from God, but instead turned to him, and thanked him for the time he allowed me spend with that person here on earth. I used to once be afraid that I would never care for another patient again for fear of losing them unfairly. But like I said in my past post to that fine young boy, I’d rather love a patient like you and lose you than never love at all.

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“I am the only medical professional in both my and my husband’s family so I do field a number of calls and requests. Most are for very basic advice and generally anyone who asks is very respectful of my time. They’re careful not to call me chronically!

“I’m careful to point out that since I’m unable to examine the patient myself, the advice must be taken with a grain of salt.

“The funniest requests are always things like rashes three states away – as you can imagine it is a bit difficult to diagnose a rash without being able to see it. I once even had a friend e-mail me a picture of a scalp wound to see if I thought it needed stitches!”

Do people you love ask for diagnoses? Do you have different advice for us?

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I meet up for coffee with her in the morning before our shift starts, and we (try to) have breaks together. But even on the days when we aren’t working together, I know that I can turn to her if I have a question or need some help, and she’ll be there for me, as I would for her.

It’s not always easy being the newbie on the unit, and when you show up to work and you can tell by your assignment that it’s going to be a crazy day, you feel like you’re already behind on your work. But when you have someone there who gets how frustrating that is, and who still cheers you on, you know you’ve got more than a co-worker, but someone who’s a friend too, and that makes all the difference!

Tell me…do you have a co-worker you can really count on?

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Reflection lately has made me realize something: My patients, students and coworkers see an Amy who is different to her friends and family.

Actually, I think that may be the norm for every working person.

The thing is, my job takes my talents and amplifies them. Really, it is amazing how some stress mixed in with a lot of critical thinking can transform a  person over time. (Nursing students, you’re in for a life-changing transformation!)

For example, I am usually somewhat scatter-brained and unorganized at home. It takes my OCD husband to get things as orderly in my living space as I am normally in my work space. At work I like my patients to be squeaky clean, my charting up to date and precise, and my nursing actions to be spot-on. And I’m really hard on myself when I can’t get my nursing “perfect.” At home, I let things slide.

Then there are my relationships: I  like to stay uber-professional at work, especially around my coworkers whom I don’t know very well (read Doctors). That includes holding my tongue, calling people by their titles, and using SBAR to keep communication about patients short and to the point.

At home and with my friends I am silly, loud, outspoken, and say things that are off-the-cuff. I like to have fun, joke around, be sarcastic–but you will rarely see that when I am working. (Yet, when I do let my hair down at work, watch out!)

So while I am spontaneous, fun and put little planning into my day-to-day life, work sees me as a calm, critical thinker who doesn’t get my feathers ruffled. I try to stay positive at work but keep my personal life private, and I think that has earned me a lot of respect.

And nursing has spilled over into my daily life as well–I am more thoughtful when serious matters arise, I am better with boundaries concerning the people in my life, and I know how to be thankful for the good times at home because I have seen the worse-case scenario at work.

Nursing has really amplified the positive qualities in my personality–and though it has also brought up many things I need to work on, I feel like the profession has rounded me out as a person. All that discipline, hard work, and critical thinking has changed me, and for the better.

What do you think–how has nursing changed you?

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Users on Facebook have virtually given birth to a new user-generated genre: The “Ten Reasons Why You Should Date an XYZ (name of your profession goes here) List.”

Lists have been published for Why You Should Date a Single Mom, a Geek, a Wrestler and hundreds of other categories.

Not to be outdone, the medical professions have also posted “Ten Reasons Why You Should Date: a Physician, a Physical Therapist, an EMT, etc.”

Nurses, of course, have their own list! Here is one “Top Ten Reasons You Should Date a Nurse” list, courtesy of a group on Facebook:

1. They can help you get over a hangover or sickness.

2. Bed baths!

3. The uniform.

4. They are exposed to so many X-rays, it’s like a form of birth control.

5. You will never need to buy condoms, paracetamol, toothbrushes or any hospital supplies.

6. They know how to handle bodily fluids!

7. Nothing shocks a nurse–they have seen smaller or bigger!

8. They won’t be disgusted by your toilet habits.

9. They are experienced in manual evacuation when you are full of you-know-what.

10. They know how to handle the human body.

Have another Top Ten Reasons list to share with us?  We welcome your comments!

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If shows like Grey’s Anatomy are to be believed, doctors and nurses spend more time having sex on the job than they do treating patients. Yes, nurses and doctors DO date each other, but not nearly on the scale that Hollywood would have you believe.

The long hours and extreme situations of a medical environment can lead to more intense closeness than other workplaces. Nurses date nurses, nurses date EMTs, nurses date cafeteria personnel, nurses date custodial staff.

Somehow, though, when nurses do date doctors, that romance is susceptible to more intense scrutiny than other relationships.

Nurses dating doctors is a hot-button issue with real-life repercussions. When you engage in that romance, be prepared for gossip from coworkers, unhappy supervisors and possibly a damaged professional reputation. How? Because no matter how it ends, your colleagues could get caught up in your drama, and that can lead to long-term career damage. And as unfair as it may seem, that impact is more than likely to be felt most by the nurse in the relationship.

So, let’s go over a few rules to make sure you’re savvy about dating a doctor and don’t come away with professional regrets:

• Keep it quiet. Especially in the early days of a relationship, it’s important that you don’t provide workplace gossip fodder. Don’t text “Hey Stud Muffin” notes to your honey at work, which could actually be grounds for getting fired. Avoid any hand-holding, stolen kisses or other PDA (public displays of affection) on the job. If you go to lunch or take breaks together, help keep speculation under control by inviting other people along sometimes. When dating after hours, don’t go to the usual haunts where other nurses, doctors and medical technicians hang out. Always maintain your professional demeanor when working—no “babe” or “sweetie” when addressing one another. “It’s important to keep it out of the hospital, or wherever you work,” says Sarah Dolloff, a registered charge nurse at Sacred Heart Hospital on the Emerald Coast in Miramar Beach, Fla. “People do gossip at work—especially women. They’ll talk about who they saw together and stuff like that. That’s why you want to make sure you act professionally at all times at work.”
• Check the employee handbook. Always make sure you’re cool with your organization’s policy regarding workplace dating. Most nurses don’t report to doctors, but if there’s any supervisory role between you and your honey, you may be violating a rule regarding supervisors dating subordinates. “When I worked in a university hospital, we socialized quite a bit with the male residents and interns,” Dolloff says. “But in a community hospital, it’s much more formal. You’ve got to be aware of what’s okay and what’s not okay in that setting.”
• Set some ground rules. While it may sound unromantic, make sure anyone you date from work understands that you want to be discreet, and if it doesn’t work out, you still want to be discreet. “There are some hospitals that are so big, the two people might never see each other at work. But if you’ve got an orthopedic doctor working with an orthopedic nurse, for example, they’re going to be running into each other all the time,” Dolloff says. “I’d have an issue with a nurse who didn’t behave professionally when she worked with someone she was dating.”

And while fuming silences, spats in the hallway, tears and nasty remarks after a bad breakup make for good TV, they can give supervisors digestive problems. Be clear up front that no matter how the relationship works out, you want to protect your career. Make sure that viewpoint is heard and respected before moving forward, or you could be heading for real heartbreak—both personally and professionally.

Betty Dowd is an RN whose daughter is also an RN, and this in itself isn’t unusual. However, this mother and daughter do more than share the same profession. They work together—in the same hospital, on the same unit.

Betty and Sally Dowd are both full-time staff nurses on the ACE (Acute Care of the Elderly) medical-surgical unit of Ocean Medical Center in Brick, N.J. Betty has worked here for eight years; Sally has been here for three years, since her graduation from the University of Rhode Island with her Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Each woman took her own journey to get here, and they’re both enjoying the special bond that comes from working together.

Betty hadn’t initially planned on becoming a nurse. After high school she became a Certified Medical Assistant and worked in a doctor’s office. “I wanted to gain more knowledge and do more, so I decided to go into nursing,” she explains, adding that she never tried to steer Sally toward nursing. “I just wanted to set a good example for her. When she was growing up, I was working full-time and also attending nursing school, so she saw how hard I worked, and she knows how happy I am with the decision I made.”

For Sally, there was never any question in her mind about what career she would pursue. “I became a nurse because, when I was growing up, I spent a lot of time watching what my mom was doing, and I loved it,” she says. “My mom was my inspiration, and I knew for a long time—pretty much since I was eight or 10 years old—that I wanted to be a nurse.”

The fact that both Betty and Sally were attracted to the area of geriatrics may well have had something to do with the fact that when Betty was growing up, her grandfather lived with her family, and when Sally was growing up, her grandparents lived with her family. So both women have had special relationships with elderly family members.

“It’s very rewarding working in geriatrics,” says Betty, “and it’s also about teaching the community to be more respectful toward older adults.” She adds that she’s very happy in her current position, and could see herself working where she is until she retires. Her love for learning is still as strong as ever, and in her spare time she’s pursuing her Bachelor of Science in Nursing (she currently holds an Associate Degree in Nursing) online through Walden University. “It’s a personal goal of mine to get my bachelor’s degree, and soon it’s going to be a requirement for all nurses to have it anyway,” Betty says.

It seems that Sally shares this passion for learning. Right now, she’s building some nursing experience, as she’s still a fairly new nurse, but she envisions going back to school in the future and getting her master’s degree. “But I like geriatrics and I would like to stay in this general field,” she says, adding, “I’d also like to try travel nursing.”

Betty and Sally both realize it’s not likely that things will always be the way they are—with the two of them working together as they do today. They work the same shifts, often work on the same days and always work weekends together. It’s the way they want it, and at this point in time, they’re both where they want to be.

About their working relationship, Sally says, “We’ve always been close, and working together has brought us closer. It makes my job easier because I’m working with someone I’ve trusted my entire life. My mom’s always there to help. We share ideas and we work really well together.”

Betty echoes this. “It’s great working together. We share stories. We work on some projects together. We get along very well.”

Away from the hospital, the two do “talk shop.” As Sally explains, “I think we have to talk about it because it’s such an intense career and it’s such a big part of our lives.” What’s interesting is that another member of the family—one of the two Dowd sons—has recently decided to go to nursing school. Soon the “shop talk” will include yet one more member of the family.

“My dad’s a biology teacher and my mom’s a nurse,” Sally says. “So we’re science types of people in my family, and we tend to go for the caring and giving professions, I guess you could say.” Betty’s totally on the same wavelength, and says that one of the reasons she loves the nursing profession is because it’s socially responsible.

It’s quite clear that Betty has set a stellar example for her daughter. Sally is already a dedicated nurse with goals of her own, and although she has sort of followed in her mother’s footsteps, her upbringing has given her the confidence to dream about forging her own path. This unique mother-daughter pair has a lot to be proud of, and here’s hoping they’ll both get Mother’s Day off so they can celebrate it together. But then again, maybe they’ll be working together on Mother’s Day, and that will be their celebration.

Pictured above: Hunter Dowd, Patient Care Technician at Ocean Medical Center; Betty and Sally Dowd, RNs on the Acute Care of the Elderly medical-surgical unit of Ocean Medical Center in Brick, N.J. Image copyright Betty Dowd.

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Over the course of the last 20 years as a mental health nurse, I have seen a lot of true mental illness issues. The staff on board, the public and even the doctors at one time or another have called some clients “nuts.”

Mental illness has a very long history of being a hidden and shameful illness that has been around since the Bible was written. It’s the most stigmatic illness in the medical field. It’s an illness that no one really wants to talk about.

It’s sad to see someone come into the hospital who is so sick that she can’t even keep her own body clean, take care of daily functions or have someone to call on the phone to listen—even when she is in control. The families of the mentally ill persons are tired and sometimes just don’t bother to call or visit because they don’t know how to handle the behavior.

When someone goes into the hospital for open heart surgery, has a stroke, is involved in a car wreck or has a brain injury, that person’s name will be placed on the prayer list at churches. The patient will get cards, flowers, phone calls and many visits that sometimes wear him out.

When a person is newly diagnosed with bipolar, depression or schizophrenia, there are very few flowers, cards or even phone calls. The community still doesn’t understand the disease, so they do nothing. The person with the mental illness now feels even more confused and more alone.

Now let me make myself clear. I have seen many clients who pluck my last nerve after I’ve worked a 13-hour shift, and I totally understand that their families and friends are sometimes at their wits’ end. However, as mentally ill patients get better and are under better control of their illness—whether by using prescription medications or a natural vitamin mixture—they will heal better if they have a support system to lean on once in a while. If they don’t, they don’t have the motivation to get better because no one cares. Then the illness really takes over.

Mental health is at the beginning of a new era. Mental illness is being seen as a medical condition like any other condition. The idea that the family or the individual is to blame for mental illness is slowly fading. We are at the stage where people with mental illness can get the same kind of respect, care and services as other people who have a disability. Training the people who receive care and the people who work in the mental health system about what prejudice is and how to cope with the stigma of mental illness is important.

If you know someone who has mental illness, take the time to learn more about the disease. Instead of reacting in fear, get educated and understand more. If you can’t bear the thought of seeing her in person, send a card.

What else can nurses do to cope and help others cope with mental illness in the family?

Angela Brooks has worked in a state-funded psychiatric hospital in Kentucky for 21 years as a nurse, assisting sometimes-dangerous patients who come in shackled and cuffed. At angelabrook.com, she offers stories of life on the inside of a psychiatric ward, and the site, as well as her company, offers support for nurses in the mental health field and helps them bring passion into their role at work. She is also a natural health expert.