See the current issue of Scrubs Magazine

“The 12 Days of Christmas”—nurse-style

iStock | Alliance

iStock | Alliance

On the first day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…a fresh ileostomy.

On the second day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…two Murphy drips and a fresh ileostomy.

On the third day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips and a fresh ileostomy.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips and a fresh ileostomy.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…five minutes to pee! Four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips and a fresh ileostomy.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…six doctors shouting, five minutes to pee! Four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips and a fresh ileostomy.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…seven Swan-Ganz damping, six doctors shouting, five minutes to pee! Four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips…and I’ve still got that ileostomy.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my supervisor said to me…”No time off this week! Seven Swanz are damping, six doctors shouting, no, you can’t pee! Answer your call bells, fix those bugs, titrate both those drips…and what about that ileostomy?”

On the ninth day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…nine interns gawking, no time off this week, seven Swan-Ganz damping, six doctors shouting, Why Can’t I PEE? Four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips and a fresh ileostomy.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…ten donors touring, nine interns gawking, still not a day off, seven Swan-Ganz damping, six doctors shouting, Five minutes, PLEASE! Four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips and a fresh ileostomy.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…eleven vital memos, ten donors touring, nine interns gawking, nope, not a day off, seven Swan-Ganz damping, six doctors shouting, five minutes to pee (thank God!). Four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips…and that same damn ileostomy.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my supervisor gave to me…twelve neurosurgeons preening, eleven vital memos, ten donors touring, nine interns gawking, eight extra shifts, seven Swan-Ganz damping, six doctors pouting, five minutes to eat! Four call bells, three Epic bugs, two Murphy drips and a new craniotomy. (Thanks, Boo!)

SEE MORE IN:
,

Agatha Lellis

Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at askauntieaggie@gmail.com.
By

Post a Comment

You must or register to post a comment.

shares