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The MD palm reader

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ATLANTA (AP) — Thousands of nurses nationwide have taken to slipping their camera phones up the sleeves of their scrubs, tucking them in their waistbands, and hiding them under the mattresses of empty patient beds.

They say they simply want to get a shot of the attending MD’s hands. But why the secrecy? And what do they hope to discover…?

Palm Analysis
By Yardin Bielvenstram
Nurse: Kate Hammond | MD: Name Withheld

Using a subtle dweomer inscribed by the alchemist Kincaid the Sturdy in the 14th Century, I was able to reach a verdict about the fate of this “doctor” of yours (although anyone who calls themselves a doctor and cannot excise a simple blood demon is by no means a worthwhile healer in my book). Gaze now at the cabalistic knowledge that unfolded before me:

Head Line:

This doctor is enwrapped in the puzzles of her own mind. Her mind churns over information and will not cease its churning until the this information has been fully processed. This may cause this doctor to seem somewhat distant, cold and possibly rude. It is by no means a personal affront to you, although it does make her unpopular with the nurses.

Heart/Love Line:

Although this doctor’s heart is as strong as an enraged oxen, her line splits at the end, leaving much to chance. It vexes me when a definite answer cannot be reached, but I feel much of this doctor’s love life is vexed. The split in the love line could indicate that a decision about her love life is yet unmade. Could it be due to her over-analytical nature?

Fate Line:

Her fate line is short and straightforward. This person knew that she wanted to be a doctor her entire life, and achieved her goal at a young age.

Money Line:

This person struggles with money. A few bad monetary decisions in the last few years have left this doctor hurting. I wouldn’t ask for a loan if I were you.

Life Line:

This doctor will probably live to the ripe, old age of 87. That is, if she avoids a man named Bruce who lives near a deli.

Health Line:

This doctor knows the ins and outs of the human body and does her part to take care of her own. I would suggest a few more vegetables. Not because of her palm, but because I saw some BBQ sauce on one of her fingers.

Luck Line:

This is the most average luck line I’ve ever seen. She’s so completely luck-neutral that she could flip a coin 100 times and the coin would be heads about half of the time.

Have an MD you need deciphered? Take a secret photo of his or her hand and attach it to an email to hello@scrubsmag.com. Yardin Bielvenstram just may do a free analysis for you.

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