moshimochi | Veer
Being a nurse is an exercise in dealing with unending streams of urgent situations and near crises while having to make just as many snap decisions. Helpful and humorous, this guide from the wildly popular Head Nurse Jo breaks down the various specialist personalities to help you determine which doc to turn to (or avoid) when you’re in the next big jam.
Internal Medicine
Fit, well-dressed, with a cholesterol of 130 and the oddest prescribing habits you’ve ever seen. If you need electrolytes repleted or your INR brought to its proper level (that’s a measure of clotting time that’s influenced by Coumadin), the internal med specialist is your gal. Or guy. If you’re a nurse, having an internal med consult means that you’ll be cutting tablets into quarters and giving 7.5 mg of something that comes in a 25 mg dosage, but only on alternate Thursdays during the dark of the moon.
Neurologists, neurosurgeons and orthopods –>
Neurosurgery
Brilliant, with a necessary arrogance. Would you want somebody suffering pangs of self-doubt while his fingers are in your brain? Didn’t think so. Usually underfed and underslept. Will eat anything that’s moving slowly or standing still. Very nice people overall, since they have to deal with people who can’t talk, walk or make a lot of sense.
Neurology
Sweet, but from Mars. Odd sense of humor. Usually strange facial hair (on the men, not the women). Sometimes they have a fascination with Bach or zebras or rowing. Older neurologists tend to be courtly in the extreme and wear bow ties.
Orthopedics
The jocks of the medical world. They are carpenters and craftsmen—and I mean that as praise. A good orthopedist working on your hip will leave you with the equivalent of really good Art Deco woodwork: functional and beautiful, with nothing extra added. If you see a muscular young man or woman of few words striding down the hallway with a tiny box containing magnifying eyeglasses in his or her hand, that’s your orthopedist.
They also have a very strange sense of humor. A few months ago, the C group at our facility had “Talk Like a Pirate Day.” “Shiver me timbers! Swab the deck with that dressing, matey! AAARRR!”
Plastic surgeons, cardiothoracic surgeons and urologists –>
Cardiothoracic Surgery
I do not work with any of those folks and so have no clue what they’re like.
Plastic Surgery
Artistic, with the emotional lability that comes with artistry. I’m personally uncomfortable with plastic surgeons, as I wonder if they’re casting a covetous eye on my double chin.
Urology
How much does that suck? Proctologists are probably the only people with a more misunderstood specialty. Urologists, however, have the benefit of access to the scariest-looking pieces of medical equipment in the entire hospital.
Surgeons, endocrinologists and psychiatrists –>
General Surgery
If you see a resident asleep in a chair at the nurses’ station, chances are it’s a general surgery resident. They’re horribly underslept, but have a solid working knowledge of where everything ought to go in the body. If you’re a general surgeon, you can take people apart and put them back together with no bits left over. I’ve gotten speech from a few of them that’s beyond “mmmmrrrppphhhh” as I wake them up, but not many.
Endocrinology
Your average endocrinologist has a second brain somewhere in his body, in which he stores minute bits of important information that came from some obscure study in Backobeyondistan five years ago. They will speak to you as equals, even if their conversation about a complex patient eventually sounds to you like “Grobble grobblescrink mmmmREEEE! ppphhhhbt!”
Psychiatry
Well-dressed, with a fondness for expensive shoes and dangling pendants (men and women, respectively). Pleasant, but strange. Psych nurses are nice as well, but strange. You have to be a little odd to work psych and be good at it.
The best illustration of a typical non-psych-nurse and psych-nurse exchange I can come up with is this:
Me (trying to reach a med on a high shelf): “Sometimes I wish I were taller, dammit!”
Psych nurse: “Oh…do you have body image issues?”
This post originally appeared in The Head Nurse blog.
For more Career Advice for Nurses pick up the latest issue of Scrubs magazine, available at a retail store near you!
Used to work with a group of Cardiac surgeons. One wore designer clothing hand made Italian shoes that looked like slppersand drove a Rolls. When I was new pregnant I almost threw up on him when he wanted me to help him remove 4 sets of chest tubes. Later when I made a comment about my body functions, several other Dr’s told me that they would have paid me to have me ruin his Italian shoes. His partner was the sweetest nicest guy with 4 kids and a fear of looking “pretentious” . Their other partner swore like a sailor and even the hospital operators didn’t like talking to him. When I called him to tell him that a guy’s sternal incision had come open he said “What the *^&%%$ do you mean come open?” I said “Well, I can see his heart pump.” Their other partner drove a fast motorcycle and got caught in the back stairwell with an ICU nurse. Whether it’s designer clothing, adrenalin or language, Cardiac surgeons are extreme and on the edge. On the edge of what is in the eye of the beholder.
Your description of Neurologists is spot on. Knew a Neurologist once who gave my ex-boyfriend a bad time because “He didn’t treat you right” Talk about courtly.
I really enjoyed this article. Your descriptions were pretty much on the mark. Gastroenterologists have a certain way about them. Most of them I work with are the quiet type who don’t get to upset about much. One of GI Drs I work with always dresses immaculately. The first time I saw him I though Clark Gable had entered the unit. He always has a very sharp suit on unless he is “dressed down” which consists of a pair of slacks, turtle neck and suit coat.
I spent a day with a bunch of Gastroenterologists…VERY nice people, even if they get really excited about polyps.
Emergency Docs: Love ‘em. They’re insane, of course, but they have REALLY cool hobbies. I’ve met more ice-climbing and mountaineering ER docs than any other specialty.
Helen, you have just described in disturbing detail a Cardiac Surgeon where I used to work!!
And Alpine that’s too funny about the ER docs. The play I worked included a bunch of mountain Hiking, cyclist doctors!
To helen:
Loved your ‘doctor caught in stairwell with nurse’ tale.
When I was in orientation at a large urban hospital about 15 years ago, the ‘elder MD’ who was head of the hospital’s ethics committee gave his spiel to the group in which he cited (and gave NAMES!) an incident where one of the cardiologists was caught by security receiving a ‘special treatment’ out in the bushes of the parking lot. Hilarious!
Bahaha! So true about orthopods being the jocks – and they won’t let you forget it, either! You forgot otolaryngologists, who I’ve found are the nerdier bunch of docs. But super smart, and super confident in their work.
I also think you can look at surgeons vs. medical docs, cause surgeons are a whole different breed!
When my son was in an accident, I had contact with a multitude of orthopedic doctors. It was the first time I noticed that almost all of them were shorter than me..I’m 5’8”.My son was 15 & they were telling me that he was finished growing. Each time I said I was surprised that he wouldn’t be taller..”only 5’8′?”..then I realized that I was literally looking down at them. Made me wonder if they had a subconscious desire to discover a method to promote growth…only because I have always found males to be quite conscious of their height. Never met a male who didn’t add an inch when reporting this measurement.
RN
Registered Nurse
Very clever to avoid the cardiac surgeons personality. But you left off anesthesiologist, the party animals. I know one thathero ides 2 acres for parking and overnight camping at his summer party each year, and the jello shots are abundant. Still, one of my favorite episodes was a neurologist and a psychiatrist standing outside a patients room arguing over the issue was the patients problem “organic” or not!