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Patients may make the nursing world go round, but sometimes their behavior is a little weird! Whether they’re trying to fool you or just misunderstood your instructions, they can do some odd (and hilarious) things from time to time. We asked our Facebook fans to share the strangest thing they’ve ever seen a patient do or say, and got some crazy answers in response! Read on for some hilarious patient antics!
1. BAD HOSPITAL FOOD
A gentleman smashed the suction bottle (yes folks, they used to be made of glass), then proceeded to eat the pieces. Upon further inspection via gastroscopy, the findings included a fork heading tines first into the duodenum. He went to surgery.
—Lori Beiter Halker
2. THIS END GOES UP
A patient drank 500 ml from a prepared and lubricated enema bag hanging in his bathroom. When he was found sucking on the tubing, he just stated that he saw it there and figured he should drink it. Wrong way in, my friend….
—Haley Lewis Dahl
3. BIG RIVER
I had a patient use his Foley as a lasso once…and another patient was “rowing” his bed via the IV pole!
—Szilvia Acs
4. AMMO WHAM-O
While I was working in a nursing home, we had a little feisty little old lady in her 90s. Upon entering her room you had to be careful, ’cause she would have her ammunition (poop) rolled into little balls and would sling them at you as you entered. Most of us knew this, so we were careful upon entering, but every once in a while, she would get a new employee who hadn’t been forewarned. LOL!
—Cindy Malin
5. ORDER UP
I will never forget a patient who came in post-vasectomy (I work for an urologist). I was ready to put him in a room when I asked for a urine sample first. I don’t know what he understood, but he came out of the bathroom with a semen sample!!! No wonder he took a while in the bathroom. Poor guy, his face was red from embarrassment. Like I always say, patients don’t LISTEN!
—Mireya Escobedo Gaeta
I was performing a stroke assessment on a 93-yr old feisty lady. I asked her to smile. She said she didn’t feel like smiling. So I asked her, “Would you please show me your teeth?” “Sure!” she said She then opened her mouth, and handed me her dentures.
This small older gentleman I take care of wants tape put over his ears after the hearing aids are put in. He says thats so they don’t fall out!
I had an older confused man one time who during a code while we were tied up in the room came out into the hallway looked into the room we were working in then proceeded to pee on the floor in the hall and then went and climbed into bed with another patient.
RN
Registered Nurse
Patient was sent to us because she chewed her finger off.
LPN
Licensed Practical Nurse
When I was a student, I took care of an older man in a small hospital that refused to use the toilet. I would come in and there would be urine on the carpet in front of the BSC and urine in the trash can. I never could figure it out until I was getting him ready for a shower. He told me he needed to use the bathroom, but didn’t want to sit on the toilet. When I asked him why, he told me “That water is cold and my balls fall in the water!” I about died from shock when I discovered he wasn’t lying! He had HUGE testicles!
I hope I never get to the point where a patient throwing shit at me is funny (or acceptable!) Sorry. Don’t mean to be the party pooper! ; )
While caring for one of my “pleasantly” whack-a-doo patient’s…. she was sitting out in the hall in a chair (to keep a close eye). As I passed her she held out her glasses case to me and said in the sweetest way, “excuse me, could you please dial a number for me?” I thought I was going to pee in my pants I was laughing so hard!
While in clinicals one day, I was assisting a patient to a bedside commode and her family decided to stay in the room. When I stepped out to give her some privacy, I came back to help clean her up only to find her preacher, husband and daughter huddled around her (on the commode with diarrhea) praying. I almost lost my poker face for that one.