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1. The ol’ yogurt for the yeast infection? Um, yeah…you were supposed to EAT it.
2. The father who calls from work about “the pink stuff” (amoxicillin). Isn’t it a little too thick to go through the nebulizer? Shouldn’t it be watered down?
3. The elderly lady who couldn’t understand why her husband needed medication for high blood pressure as well as low blood pressure. Turns out the “low pressure” for his low blood pressure was Lopressor!
4. The diabetic who was trained to administer insulin using an orange. When a nurse later discussed meds with the patient, the patient stated he was getting tired of oranges and wanted to know what other food he could inject and eat.
5. In the ER, a patient was asked, “Are you sexually active?” Response: “You mean I just lie there or what?”
6. A gentleman who was getting chemo had to have a 24-hour urine done with each cycle. He was given his “jug,” at which point he stated, “I just can’t do this again. I can’t stay up all night waiting to pee!”
7. The patient who repeated over the phone to various family members: “They’re putting a light up my privates to look at my heart.” She was talking about her heart ablation!
8. A patient who spoke poor English arrived in Labor and Delivery and said, “I’m here for my scheduled seduction”!!!
9. The patient who is in the bathroom a tad too long and finally comes out about 20 minutes later to hand you a cup of sperm. Be sure to specify what kind of specimen you want.
10. A patient returned to the ER because his fever wasn’t going down. When we asked about the suppository, he told us he didn’t know he was supposed to take it out of the foil wrapper.
It’s great to have humor on the job! Especially such a stressful job as nursing.
The old guy said he didnt care for the kentucky jelly that he put on his biscuit… A nurse had left a pack of KY jelly on his bedside table….
The patient who was insisting on Cepacol being applied topically because the previous nurse had sprayed his neck, not his throat:/ Scary.
The postpartum patient who hated the sitz bath because the “long tube where the water comes out into the bath was very uncomfortable in her already swollen birth canal”
The dementia pt with a persistant cough, upon being offered robitussin, the pt replys “oh how i’d love to rub a husbin’”
Gentleman (wearing an O2 mask) asks his nurse if his testicles are black. The nurse lifts the sheets, examines his scrotum, and informs him that they are not black. He removes his mask, and states, “that was nice, but are my test results back”?
#1 is actually a really good idea, and in frustration I’ve applied probiotics (out of a capsule) directly “there” and voila – no need for Diflucan! #10 sounds like a possible surgical intervention might be needed – OUCH! I once was suggesting a Tylenol suppository to a patient with fever and vomiting. The mother (I’m a peds RN) was extremely reluctant, which I didn’t think too much of initially until she asked “So, what you’ll just put it in the syringe and squirt it up his butt?”. This same patient ended up with a fecal impaction because mom didn’t think it was possible for him to “have any poo in him” since he hadn’t eaten in 4 days – he also hadn’t had a BM in 4 days…
Finding the pt with a suppository in their nose because the nursing student thought “PRN” meant Per Right Nostril.
How about the one when the nurse read the order as “2 gtts R ear” (it was for an ear infection). Guess where she put the drops? And more amazingly the patient let her!
Remember that having a patient return/repeat a demonstration or set of instructions is the BEST way to know if they have correctly understood what you just taught them. With all of the new meds and delivery systems even nurses with MY experience need help knowing how to work a lot of the devices we send patients home with! Never be too embarrassed to ASK another nurse or pharmacist, or even look up something on the Internet!
If the patient is unable to comprehend then the responsible nurse MUST find someone who IS capable to be responsible for the medication/dressing procedure, insulin injection, whatever or alert the MD that it is not safe to discharge the patient. To do less is negligent and invites an ER visit, repeat hospitalization or worse, especially if the patient is a child.
ok 35 years lady. Laugh a little more girlfriend or you will go insane with the stress we deal with.
If you had ever worked with me you would know that I am one of the most hilarious people who can tell the funniest stories that have become ‘legendary’ in my wake.
However, some of the things that are thought to be SO FUNNY posted here are messes that I have had to clean up. So when it comes to the PATIENT’S needs and well being I take NO prisoners!
i agree this forum is for fun not a sermon. besides you are preaching to the choir.
Perhaps it is a matter of demographics but I suppose that it all ‘chapped’ me because a lot of these miscommunications are REAL in my practice and I HAVE dealt with the aftermath too many times.
Where I live most of the hospitals have done away with diabetic educators and other patient education programs, leaving the patient to their own devices or ‘turfing’ to the Home Health agencies which are woefully understaffed and are more generalists than education specialists.
And you are correct, I was ‘preaching to the choir’. Guess I have seen more than my share and it all just hit a nerve. My bad. Sorry.
I was at my first job, fresh out of nursing school in 1980, and a wonderful CNA that I worked with taught me the little trick of sprinkling baby powder on the seat of the old metal bedpans we used back then. The problem with those pans was that if the patients sweat or got the seat of the pan wet, while sitting on them, they would stick to them terrible, but if you sprinkled the seat with a little baby powder, they slid right out. One day, while in a hurry, I grabbed what I thought was baby powder off the patient’s bedside table, sprinkled the bedpan and placed it under him. When he called for someone to come get it, the bedpan was stuck to his back side like glue! No one could get it out from under him. When the CNA asked why I did not use baby powder, I told her I had and showed her the container – a jar of Super PolyGrip Powder! Oh my… Submitted by Gale Rice Reavis from Winston Salem, NC. I have loved being a nurse for over 31 years.
Love that story !!! I also have loved being a nurse for 30 years !!!! Rock ON!!!!
One day one of the CNA’s that I work with went up to a resident and asked him in her heavily Filipino accented way, “Let me see your teeth.” He just stared at her. She said again, “Please let me see your teeth.” Again, he looked at her dumbfounded but reluctantly pulled up his shirt exposing his right breast. She looked at him and said “I didn’t say teets! I want to clean your mouth!” OMG…I have never laughed so hard. She told me that and laughed at herself! What a trooper! Fantastic CNA also.
I love it.I had a pt. She was immobile and a hoyer lift,on lasix, she said she was the peeanist woman I would ever innie.
Nurse:”I need you to pee in a cup.”
Male Patient:”Do I have to take my shoes off?”
Nurse:” If you have to take your shoes off to pee in a cup, I need to see this. I’ve heard of people keepin’ it in their sneaker, but I’ve never seen it.”
I had a doc ask me to change a patients socks once. When he came back to ask about the socks, I asked him why he wanted the socks changed? he looked at me and slowly said.. “check a pulse ox” HAHAHA
Hysterical! For any of you out there who are retired or thinking about it. check out stillanurse.com, a website for retired nurses with monthly top ten lists and a nurse retirement readiness quiz!
Hahaha! I once had an elderly patient when I was in clinical, when I told him I would come back in a minute with some *clean sheets* he said “Oh no thank you, I don’t care for cream cheese!” — The cutest!!
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So cute! Love that!
I once had a pt who’d just had a big MI and we didn’t have any BSC’s available so we were pushing his bed to the bathroom, one day he decided to push the bed to the BR himself cause he knew we were busy and didn’t want to bother us!
Once I had a pt tell me he lost his teeth so I searched the dirty linen, went to the laundry area and we searched there, the kitchen and searched the dirtytrays and couldn’t find them so I went back to tell the pt and he gave me this big toothy smile!! I couldn’t believe they were in his mouth the whole time, guess I should have searched there first!!
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During walking rounds at the patient’s bedside, the young, pretty RN I was giving report to told the HOH patient “I will be back to see you after report”, to which the patient replied “I don’t think I can sleep with you, I’m paralyzed on the left side and have trouble having sex.”
these are great!
I once had an elderly man that was getting ready for bed. I asked him if he had to pee and he just looked at me. I asked him if he had to void and he screamed WHAT??? So then I said do you have to urinate? And he became indignant and said “I’m an ape !! I’d had to say what you are!” Thank God for the lighter moments!!!