Quiz: Which fictional nurse do you most resemble?
Nurses have been a trope in fiction for centuries. From Dickens’ drunken, sleeping slattern to the modern sexy beasts of today’s TV dramas, nurses have had nursing styles galore. Take this quick quiz to find out which fictional nurse you most resemble!
1. A doctor enters the nurses’ station and asks for help entering an order into the computer system. You:
a. Drag him into the nearest clean utility room and rip off your shirt, revealing a provocative lace brassiere (double points if you’re a male nurse)
b. Light a hundredweight of gunpowder in such a way that a score of wolves is revealed to be blazing around you
c. Try to help him, but become entangled in some wacky computer problem such that you blush and stammer, charming the physician with your innocence and good nature
d. Show him where to click with the mouse and how to enter the order
2. You’re dealing with a difficult patient. How do you try to establish a rapport with him?
a. You reveal that he’s actually your long-lost brother’s second wife’s stepson. Hilarity ensues.
b. You tell him a sweet story to lull him to sleep, then laugh in a horrid manner, disquieting him extremely.
c. You persevere with good humor and efficient, quiet action, accomplishing tasks with such gentleness and intelligence that he can’t help but become fond of you.
d. You read him the riot act and have no trouble the rest of the shift.
3. Something horrible has happened on your shift. What do you do?
a. Immediately stick your hand into a ceiling fan, your head into a helicopter propeller or your entire body into the icy waters of the nearest ship channel in order to provide a good subplot.
b. Drink some gin and go to sleep by the fire. Whatever’s going on, it’ll be resolved by the time you wake up sometime in the next chapter.
c. Widen your eyes in shock, flail about a bit, then come up with a nifty idea that saves the day.
d. Sigh heavily, roll your eyes and call housekeeping to help you mop up the entrails.
4. You fall in love with somebody at work. Who is it?
a. Your immediate supervisor, who, unbeknownst to you, is also your sister’s younger daughter’s half-cousin.
b. A poor yet noble scion of a great but fallen family.
c. A handsome intern with only your best interests at heart.
d. That cute guy who delivers the specialty mattresses on Thursdays.
5. Why did you go into nursing?
a. It’s a glamorous, well-paid job with great-fitting uniforms and plenty of time to gossip.
b. It’s a living. One that lets me afford gin.
c. Because I want to help people! Especially those boys at the front who are giving their all!
d. I couldn’t make a living with a degree in English.
Next: Your Results →
Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at firstname.lastname@example.org.
By Agatha Lellis