Your favorite patient “lines” revealed!

Siri Stafford | Photodisc | Thinkstock

You never know what is going to come out of your patients’ mouths, but often, it’s a variation of something you’ve heard (a million times) before! We asked our nurses on Facebook for their favorite “lines” they repeatedly hear from patients—how many of these sound familiar to you?


Your favorite patient “lines” revealed!

I like when patients ask for their nausea medicine while eating a cheeseburger and fries and requesting a second tray from food service.
—Heather Burton

“I’m allergic to 25 mg Demerol, but I can take 50.”
—Rebekah Hudgins

When patients with severe acid reflux ask, “What do you mean I can’t have pizza? What else am I supposed to eat?”
—Liz Johnston

On their 100th visit for treatment: “How long is this going to take?”
—Leslie S. Peguero

“I’m not obese—my clothes are shrinking!”
—Ginny Riddle

I love when the elderly patients use their call bell for something and say, “I’m sorry if I woke you up….”
—Keri Greenier George

“Can I borrow $300? I promise to pay you back. You’re a nurse, you look like you make good money.” (Awkward!)
—Victoria Quinn

“I have end-stage fibromyalgia and need refills on my two narcotics.”
—Kimra M Griffith

“I get redneck syndrome from that antibiotic.”
—Heather Mercier

What are some of your favorite “lines” from patients?

, , , ,


The Scrubs Staff would love to hear your ideas for stories! Please submit your articles or story ideas to us here.

Post a Comment

You must or register to post a comment.

25 Responses to Your favorite patient “lines” revealed!

  1. Opiesmom

    I am allergic to epinephrine, it makes my heart race.

  2. Mommynator Student

    What do you mean I have to sleep there overnight? (for sleep testing)

  3. heidimatlock RN

    I am very allergic to Tylenol. Can I have some Percocet instead.

  4. fyrdawg589 RN

    1) I’m allergic to Lasix, it makes me pee too much
    2) I’m allergic to everything except Dilaudid, Phenergan and Valium
    3) [Regular soda] doesn’t raise MY blood sugar, it doesn’t affect me that way

  5. fyrdawg589 RN

    and there was the one that told me she was allergic to saline and could only have her IV flushed with sterile water

  6. ASRN

    Why didn’t you wake me up for my sleeping pill??? (said at 6am med-pass)

  7. hp4373 RN

    Can you help me fix my sugar thermometer!!! I about fell on the floor laughing she was so cute!!!!!

  8. pnjsmom26

    My favorite has to be the patient who said they were allergic to oxygen because it gave them a nosebleed once.

  9. NurseAbbers

    Me: Can you give your pain a score from one to ten?
    Pt: (whilst eating, and looking calm) 10
    Me: Shall I get you some more pain relief?
    Pt: No, Can I go outside for a cigarette now?
    Me: ??

  10. cm4l

    Said to me by clients granddaughter while I was in the home teaching I&O cath. I almost got cath once. She then looks at her boyfriend and says remember that time when we were being treated for herpes and I couldn’t pee until they said they were gonna cath me? Boyfrjend…blank stare. AWKWARD! I was thinking REALLY? I just have that face.

  11. Catherine Mitchell

    “All you nurses are horrible and do nothing for my pain”
    This was half an hour after being given narcotic pain meds and after I had spent 4 hours of my shift pampering and pillow fluffing.

  12. duRN

    I must preface this by stating I’m a male nurse. I was toileting an elderly woman with dementia when she said “I do so much better when I have a master that tells me what to do…” I didn’t spend much one on one time helping with hygiene ADLs after that

    • moore1194

      My 4th week of rotation at a nursing home I was passing trays and walked in on a women… pleasuring… with a dustpan. I learned to knock first…

  13. abccba

    Me: Sir would you like to get ready for bed ? Its getting late.
    Resident: Am I still your boyfriend?
    Me: No, I’m just your very close friend that comforts and helps you.
    Resident : I can’t believe you. You let me down and broke my heart I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive you.
    Me : let’s start by getting you to bed .
    (Resident has dementia) (Akward Situation)

  14. abccba

    One resident once told another resident that kept yelling “help help I can’t find my children they took a walk to the park and now I can’t find them ” that she will never find her children because they were dead.. that only made the situation worse..


    A patient in the Gyn Clinic asked me, “how could I be pregnant, I inserted my pill every day?!”


    One of our patients called and asked, “Could the doctor change my prescription, it’s hard to swallow this greasy pill?!” (In all my years it was the first time I heard of anyone swallowing a suppository!!)

  17. moore1194

    I had a patient repetitively ask me for a lighter because I was a student and he thought I wouldn’t know there were rules against having them… obviously I knew THAT though!
    It was later revealed he was doing drugs in his room but not until he left with a pocketful of syringes and needles out of the sharps container fished out with a homemade rig comprised of the toothbrush holder, some stolen tape and his drink straw.
    I knew something was up when I went to walk him out and he took off running down the street though so I was unsurprised.

  18. Denise Musto-Schiavone

    From a patient ( brought in from a strip club)from the ER.(slurring)..”Gimme a phone. I can pay you. I gots quarters in muh painties !”

  19. scrntrvl

    Went in to draw blood from pt, when I went to stick his left AC he tells me “Oh you can’t use that vein, that’s the one I use”. He was a poly substance user of course. Awkward!

  20. Paul Simoneau

    “I am allergic to Tylenol, Norco, and Morphine, but that one that starts with a D (Dilaudid) works well, it makes me a little nauseous so I need that one that starts with an F (Phenergen) with it.

  21. Amanda Brewington

    I have an awful headache. No, I’m allergic to Tylenol. Bring me Percocet.

  22. Shannon Savant

    I don’t know why my A1C is 14. I don’t eat any sugar or carbs. I eat 2 bowls of fruit for breakfast with yogurt. I eat fruit for every meal.

  23. Keith Perdue

    When I asked a patient if his ears were ringing after seeing that both of his TMs were red, bulging & oozing pus he replied, “Oh, you hear them too?”.