10 humorous truths of nursing

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No matter where we work, no matter what shift we work and no matter how long we’ve been doing this job, there are just (many) certain absolute truths that all nurses can agree upon. With the insurmountable stress of our jobs, it’s always nice to know we all can rely on a bit of humor to get us through the day.

Here are 10 truths that I think we all can agree on. Enjoy the laughs.

10 humorous truths of nursing

1. The volume of an alarm is inversely proportional to its severity: Empty tube-feeding alarms will wake the dead; V-tach alarms won’t wake a manic patient.
2. As the number of available bedside commodes decrease, the number of patients (with unsteady gaits) with Go-Lytely ordered will increase.
3. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
4. Insurance covers everything except what happens.
5. If you’re feeling good, don’t worry. You’ll get over it.
6. The patients who have the most trouble swallowing have the most pills to swallow.
7. The sickest patient who requires the most attention is the one farthest from the nurses’ station.
8. Other nurses get pulled to your unit only on the quietest of shifts, so they believe your floor is the easiest in the hospital and that you never work as hard as they do.
9. Providers cannot examine their patients without tearing apart your beautifully made bed and/or dressing.
10. You always remember “just one more thing” after you’ve left the hospital.

What would you add to the list?

Adapted from the former website “Weird Nursing Tales.”

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18 Responses to 10 humorous truths of nursing

  1. htarceno RN

    your favorite patient who you have the best rapport with is always the first to get discharged

  2. Amyiveloz

    On for five days in a row, you will have a new assignment every shift on the same unit. On for five days with a day off in between each…. you will have the same “challenging” assignment all five days!

  3. Amyiveloz

    Get off the elevator only to hear a manic patient say “call the police”, that’s your assignment.

  4. Reikinurse129 Student

    Nurse to patient ratio based on acuity but your quad takes 5 seconds to medicate and the 2 little old ladies who are completely self sufficient and pretty healthy take one pill at a time and have to tell you a story between each one or wants you to recite what each one is and what it’s for- total time- 15 minutes

    • Tnlai

      So true about all of the truths in nursing. I personally love the comment “The best job you’ll always love.” I beg to differ. Some days it is downright hard to make yourself go to work and be nice.

  5. Psych nurse Mary

    Psych home care patients with a DX: of Bipolar and tell me they have no issues … Seriously !!!

    • htarceno RN

      True! and the ones with minor issues are going thru the
      ‘worst horror imaginable’

  6. stoney82

    Night will be quiet , no call lights, until someone says ‘ it’s quite tonight’ then all call lights go off at once.

    • mariebug924

      The best is when the person who is leaving says it and you are just coming on so your entire shift it looks like the Vegas strip because calls lights are going nonstop.

  7. Tnlai

    The residents can beat you, hit, kick, spit on you, scratch and claw you but don’t put a hand on them to defend yourself, then it becomes physical abuse!!!! HELLO!!!!

  8. MohawkNurseER

    How about this one: often the least critical and sick patient monopolizes your time the most while the really sick pt is quiet as a mouse and barely sees you except when you fly in to start the five critical drips and run back out b/c the toothache pt is hitting the call hell for the 10th time in an hour and his momma is causing a scene at the desk…

  9. Pearl

    I’ve been retired about 10 years…after nursing for 30 years…to all 10 truths: some things NEVER change!

  10. nursemate93

    Your iv fluid bag you just hung because the bag was empty just got dc’d per MD orders. N you have to go back and take it down and explain why.

  11. mksgrn89

    Night shift has it made because all they do is babysit. Nothing happens at night.

    • htarceno RN

      yeah, right

    • NytAngel

      I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic but, I’ve been on the night shift for a little over a year now and that’s just not true. Some nights are quiet, yes, but some are crazier than any other shift. I’ve worked every hall on every shift in my facility, and nights are just as hard if not harder. I’m just saying…

  12. SEB

    All female patients lie about their weight. All male patients lie about their height!

  13. cgadd71

    That is why I never do my dressing changes until I see our ID doctors. Great docs but they are infamous for taking off dressing and saying your nurse will be in soon to put on a new dressing.