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Patients may make the nursing world go round…but that doesn’t mean they don’t do some wild things from time to time (or, er, every day)! We asked our Funny Nurses Facebook fans for the oddest things their patients have ever done–can your patients top these?
1. WALKING DEAD
I had a patient at the desk telling me he was there for his “autopsy.” He meant to say “biopsy!”
2. SMOKE ALARM
I walked into a room and smelled smoke…and turned around to see smoke coming from the closet! There I found my elderly patient with a flask of vodka and smoking a cigarette! The patient was in his 90s and when I opened the door, he said to me, “I didn’t want to come here, my family made me.” It actually cracked me up because at that age, whatever!
3. VROOM VROOM
My Alzheimer’s patient was a mechanic back in his glory days…while doing rounds, I found him under his hospital bed fixing the muffler!
4. PICK A WINNER
I walked into the room and found the patient’s NG tube on the floor. He looked at me and said, “You should see the size of the booger I just got out of my nose!!!”
5. DENTURE ADVENTURE
The little old lady who collected every set of dentures on the hall and was carrying them around in a wash basin full of soapy water. She beat the hell out of us when we tried to get them back, too. Once we did, a dentist had to come help us figure out whose teeth were whose. Hilarious!
6. NO SMALL FEET
A patient called 911 to report someone stole his foot…a foot that been amputated in a planned surgery.
7. IF THE SHOE FITS…
I had a patient who kept hollering that her shoes were too tight. I looked down and she had exam gloves on her feet!
8. FEED THE BIRDS
We had an elderly confused man who had poured his (full) water jug all over the floor and was throwing bits of his sandwich into the water. When we asked what he was doing, he said, “Just feeding the ducks!”
9. ANIMAL PLANET
My resident thought she was pregnant and gave birth to a stuffed hippo.
10. A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE
The physician was being condescending about the amount of pain that my labor in patient was having, so next contraction she put a death grip on his testicles, brought him to his knees and repeated his condescending words to him.
What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever seen a patient do or say? Don’t forget to check out part one of this list here!