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5 hilarious prescription transcriptions


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As we move further into the brave new world of computer charting and voice-recognition dictation at the facility where I spend my days, I’m noticing more and more comedic possibilities in what the doctors okay for their patients’ charts. I’ve compiled a few—anonymously, of course—for your reading pleasure.


1. “The patient states the pain is intermittent, is constant, is relieved by nothing, is exacerbated by nothing, is throbbing, is stabbing, is aching. The patient denies pain.”
That, right there, is why you should double check which boxes you’ve checked in the chart.

2. “The patient expired at eleven hundred hours, dammit.”
This is an example of a voice-recognition system not recognizing heavy accents.

Agatha Lellis
Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at

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