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5 hilarious prescription transcriptions


3. “The patient is a well-nourished woman in her 70s who has recently undergone a total abdominal hysterectomy, bilateral oophorectomy and transurethral prostatectomy.”
I’m not really sure how they managed that.

4. “The patient is alert, oriented x 4. Speech is spontaneous and fluent. Patient is intubated and sedated, on a propofol drip.”
Once upon a time, my sister tried to make a German chocolate cake and turned two pages over at once in the cookbook. She didn’t notice she’d arrived at a recipe for cinnamon rolls. Whatever it was she made turned out a lot like this doctor’s dictation.

5. “Patient is resting commonly with garage intact, normal extraocular motion acceptable, but fluent expression aphasia evident through patient’s attempt to contract to apple. Sufficient paragraph period commuting MCA with total blockage of carotid carry on noble in sam.”
Ironically, this is about a patient who had fluent aphasia. The doctor in question was eating peanut M&Ms as she was dictating.

Life lesson #33 for doctors: garbage in, hilarity out.

Agatha Lellis
Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at

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