An ode to laughter

I couldn’t help but share these jokes that I heard recently. The first two being compliments of Captain Jim.
Disclaimer: The following jokes could be perceived as crude and/or sexual in nature but are meant to be laughed at by the medical community. Please proceed at your own discretion.

A friend of mine told me about a coworker who had a baby who was born three months premature, so premature that the baby’s eyelids were not even completely formed. When it was time for the baby to be circumcised, the doctor recommended a surgical option that could be beneficial for the baby. This procedure involved saving the foreskin after the circumcision and grafting it above the eyes to make eyelids. The parents were all for the idea and decided to proceed with the surgery. Thirteen years later, my friend’s coworker said her son’s eyelids are doing well. The only problem they’ve encountered is in the mornings when the boy wakes up he is always cock-eyed…

I started talking to this woman at the hospital the other day who was in the process of undergoing a sex change from female to male. The next big surgery she had to endure was a penile implant. The doctor had said this was the riskiest of all the surgeries and she was quite apprehensive about the recovery process. She was very open about talking about her upcoming surgery with her friends, and she had asked the doctor if there was a specific name for this type of surgery that she could use when referencing the procedure. The doctor smiled and said, “of course, it’s called an addadicktome.”

I recently embarrassed myself amongst my coworkers while at work one day. There was a patient who needed a catheter, but due to his unusual anatomy we were having problems inserting a foley. Somebody had mentioned that we could try a condom catheter, although none of us had ever used one. We got the supplies and were setting up for the procedure with three nurses, a nursing student, and the patient’s mom in the room. As the nurses were fumbling around with the directions on how to properly attach the catheter, I proudly announced, “here, let me try, it can’t be that different from a normal one.” I immediately blushed a cherry red and promptly came up with an excuse as to why I was needed in the room next door…

I heard the story of a man visiting his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital. He asked how his grandpa was feeling and his grandpa replied with “I’m feeling fine.” The grandpa continued to say that the food choices were good and that the nursing staff was great and they were taking really good care of him. When the grandson asked how he has been sleeping the grandpa replied, “No problem, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet… and that’s it. I go out like a light.”  The grandson was puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushed off to question the nurse caring for his grandfather. “What are you people doing,” he says, “I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old man Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?” “Oh yes,” replies the nurse. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed…”

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