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4 “sailor” jokes for nurses (you were warned!)


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They found a nurse who was deceased. Her stomach was empty, her bladder was full and her butt was half chewed off.

Submitted by Mary Ann Quiroz

Nurses Aren’t Supposed to Laugh

“Of course I won’t laugh,” said the nurse. “I’m a professional. In over 20 years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”

“Okay then,” said Fred, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen.

It had a length and width almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing.

Feeling terrible that she had laughed at the man’s genitals, she composed herself as well as she could.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won’t happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen,” Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.


Happy Birthday!

A student nurse was working some clinical hours in a burn unit. One of the patients was a man who received the most unique birthday cake (baked by his mother-in-law).

The cake was in the shape of a woman’s torso, complete with big boobs and wearing a blue bikini.

The surprise? When the birthday man cut into the cake (between the legs—at the baker’s insistence), he found a CHERRY inside!

Needless to say, he met his high calorie needs for that day!

Submitted by Granny RN

What’s the Diff?

Q: What is the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer?

A: The taste!

This is an old joke told to new nursing students to get the first-day jitters out of the way!

Submitted by Mary Ann Quiroz

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