MORE of the funniest things your geriatric patients have ever said

iStock | Lighthaunter

iStock | Lighthaunter

When your chosen path is caring for the elderly, each day is a new opportunity to grow richer with the wisdom of those who have had many years on this earth…

Oh, and you get to catch them saying some pretty hilarious things.

So, we asked you, the lovely nurses who visit our Funny Nurses Facebook page, to share with us some of the gems that you’ve gathered while logging some serious hours in the geriatric unit. Here’s what you had to say about what your patients have had to say:

Jennifer Veltre-Bach: I asked a patient if he was in pain. He was very hard of hearing and said to me, “No, I don’t want no cocaine!”

Amber Snider: “I think my scrotum just fell off!”

Kristen Nowacki: I walked into a patient’s room when I was seven months pregnant. He immediately exclaimed, “You have a beautiful uterus!”

Penny Franklin Genung: We asked a 90-plus-year-old woman, “Do you know where you are?” She replied, “Sitting here in front of you. Don’t you see me?”

Heidi Buckmaster: “If you close the door to my room, will I still be able to breathe or will I run out of air?”

Elizabeth Davis: I watched a 93-year-old woman “give birth” one morning. She was fine by lunch.

Di Crawford RN: I had a patient who was very funny. I asked him if he was experiencing any pain and he said, “No, my wife is not here yet.”

Brigitte Christofferson: Just today, a resident asked me, “What kind of fuel does this take?” He thought his wheelchair was a vehicle.

Laurie Wessels: “Here’s the deal—George Clooney is my boyfriend.”

Clare Sharp: Whilst looking after a dear, sweet elderly lady in her 90s, I asked if she’d ever been married. “No dear…but I’ve had lots of fun!” was her response with the biggest grin on her face and twinkle in her eye!

DreamerAnd Larry Thomas: I had a patient tell me to clear the runway (the hallway) so that they could land their plane….

Julie Serneels: The doctor asked her “When is your birthday?” and she said, “May 5th.” Then he asked, “What year?” and she said, “Every year!”

Michelle Leax: I had a resident this morning ask me to go buy her large onions and a knife because she was going to make us stuffed peppers. She even handed me a napkin full of quarters to buy all of this stuff.

Karen King Domke: We had a little old man eating Chinese-style stir-fry for the first time. He picked up a piece of baby corn, shook his head sadly and said, “Damn poor corn crop this year.”

Melanie Black Hubacz: Today my patient looked at me and said, “You’re wearing THAT to the wedding??” There is no wedding taking place that I am aware of, so I just told her, “No, I will change before the wedding.”

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a geriatric patient say?

Want more? Click here for part one of this article!

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5 Responses to MORE of the funniest things your geriatric patients have ever said

  1. Maureen Coulter-Alves

    Elderly woman told me when answering her call bell in the middle of the night ” I didn’t need anything I was just driving down the road and must have hit the button by accident “

  2. nursemom87

    I had a little man urinating in the corner and when we asked him if he was peeing in the corner he said “no”, I then said are you sure, and his answer was “Nope, I just sprung an extensive leak”…

  3. qltbabe

    We were transfering a 93 male down the hall to another room. The pt was being walked down the hall while wearing a “johnny”. The “johnny” came open of course. I came up behind the pt. and pulled the gown closed and said that ” we didn’t want him flashing the nurses station”. He looked at the nurse walking him, and stated “someone is always trying to ruin my fun”!

  4. duztyroze

    Nurse: repeat this phrase and fill in the blank “I live in the state of —–”
    92 yr old patient: “I live in the state of….confusion”!!

  5. Pillsnpotionslady

    Yesterday while caring for a 93 year old lady with dementia and constipation who is always trying to ‘find the way home’ …… She was on the toilet bearing down and yelled, ‘ Nurse!! Is the head out yet?’ She thought she was giving birth but had refused her morning laxatives 2 days in a row!