Overheard by the GI nurse

Hemera | Thinkstock + Scrubs

Nurses claim these are actual comments from patients undergoing colonoscopies:

1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”

2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”

3. “Can you hear me NOW?”

4. “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”

5. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

6. “You know, in West Virginia, we’re now legally married.”

7. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”

8. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey…”

9. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

10. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must acquit!”

11. “Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

12. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”

And our personal favorite…

13. “Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?”

Do these ring true for you? What would you add to this list?

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6 Responses to Overheard by the GI nurse

  1. DesiRee

    When I worked in an internist’s office we performed flexible sigmoidoscopies. I had one patient who had taken the time to draw traffic signs on post-it notes. They read: “One-Way”, “Do Not Enter”, and “now you owe me at least a drink”.
    When the otherwise very serious doctor lifted up the paper sheet to begin the procedure and saw the signs I had carefully taped to her buttocks, he almost fell off the chair laughing

  2. Ellen Algava

    Can we say “patient confidentiality?” What happens in Endo stays in Endo.

  3. PossumSN

    @Ellen: these are simply one liners that anybody could have said and only in fun. If you could guess a patient from a one line joke than you must be a psychic.

    Learn to laugh once in a while!

  4. Heather

    I’ve heard #13 more than once!!
    We do conscious sedation for all our procedures, and sometimes the patients mutter or whatever in their “sleep”, and we don’t pay much attention unless they are showing pain or discomfort behaviours. However, I had one older female patient who was perfectly calm for the majority of her colonoscopy, but about half way thru, all of a sudden, she opened her eyes, turned her head and said, “I don’t know what kinda relationships you’ve had in the past, but this is NOT one of them!!” …. and immediately fell back into her Versed induced haze. The doc had to stop for a minute to compose himself before finishing up her test.

  5. nursingstudent

    I am completely and utterly appalled that you would post #’s 6 and 7. Being from West Virginia I will be the first to tell you that we abide by practically the same marriage laws as

  6. nursingstudent

    Any other state in our Nation. Which does not have anything to do with any kind of -scopy.The author of this post has no business being a nurse if he/she is going to be so publically ignorant. Shame on you. You’re no more “professional” than swearing infront of a patient.