Part nurse, part human lie detector

Oh—you only had a couple of beers, you say? Likely story.

Enter: The human lie detector. 

In this week’s episode of “The Katie Duke Show,” Katie talks about recognizing and responding to patients who are dancing (not so gracefully) around the truth, sharing some of her own, all-time-favorite “not so fast…” fibs from the ER.

Have a tip for identifying dishonest patients, or a story that’s simply too ludicrous to keep to yourself? Post it in the comments section below to share a lesson (or laugh) with your fellow nurses.


Katie Duke


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5 Responses to Part nurse, part human lie detector

  1. Magickdawn

    I work in a jail and in comes a guy who looks like David Coverdale after a couple bad decades. He tells me that he has Stage 4 brain cancer (melanoma on the brain, when I pressed for more info). Diagnosed 2.5 years ago, he had been through the chemo and radiation (can’t remember what drugs or the manner of radiation—memory loss from the tumor. Convenient).

    He says he is on 80mg of Oxy and 200mg of roxanol a day to control his pain. Of course, he gets the meds mail order and can’t recall the name of the pharmacy.

    He has given up on medicine completely since he is dying anyway. He was supposed to be dead Jan. 2015, but here it is spring 2015 and he has just arrived in our jail.

    I leave him in the dark room and go to our medical liason who has access to the records of the public hospital, where he says he has been treated. I pop back into the exam room and tell him that we are looking up his records and once I have them printed out, I’m going to get with the doc and make a plan.
    “Why? What can you do for me? I’M DYING!” Well, we don’t know what we can do until we have your records. Five minutes later, the CO is at my desk saying the inmate wants to refuse medical treatment and go back to the pod. I mosey over and ask the inmate why.

    “You see….back in 1999-2000, I was raped in prison…I was that guy, do you remember? The guy raped in prison?”
    “I’m not from here. Go on.”
    “Oh. Well, I was raped and the prison doesn’t want to pay me for it. We are in this big lawsuit because they say the rape never happened and it was a figment of my tumor. So, my lawyer has all my medical records locked down. You see, you aren’t going to be able to get them because it is like they don’t exist because of this lawsuit, right?”
    How unusual.
    “OK…so if you were diagnosed with the tumor in 2012, how does the prison even know about it to blame your story on a hallucination if the rape happened in 1999/2000?”
    Beat…..beat……beat……..“AHHHHH!!!! My head! I can’t see! I’ve gone blind!!”

  2. Marta Kotzke

    I once had a woman who tested positive for cocaine tell me, “Well, my man did cocaine and then we had sex. His sperm must make me test positive. ”
    Yeah, ok…..

    • runner5518

      lol. Mine was pregnant, drunk, and high on meth. The doctor walked in and said she was positive for meth, and she was like I don’t do meth…. Can you test positive if you have sex with someone that does meth? We just looked at her and walked off. People are just goofy

  3. PsychInCharge

    Allergy lists that are pages long. Either a borderline or they’re allergic to all NSAIDs, opiates, toradol, everything except….Demerol…hmmm

  4. Nursepandajo

    I used to work in long term care. My CNA came up to me saying a resident (new admit) was demanding a pain pill. I go into the room, she is in a nightgown that’s about 5 sizes too big, legs up in the air (no underwear), sipping on a mountain dew big gulp, and eating a double pepperoni pizza. All while watching the game show network. Surprise her pain was a 10/10. I asked if she had ever been given anything for pain (we were waiting on her orders to be faxed from the hospital). She said she had morphine pills she took 4-6 times a day and that she had come from the hospital for a fall. Well after checking the fax machine, turns out she had OD’ed at home and was specifically ordered no narcs. Mmmm hhhmmmm.