Our 20 funniest nursing quotes

Image: iStockphoto | Thinkstock + Scrubs Mag

If only we could take a nurse’s wit and put it in a bottle, we’d have enough medicine to cure the whole world!

Here are our top picks for funniest reader comments that had us grabbing our sides and snickering into our monitors.

Thanks so much for the laughs, readers!

Get your giggle on –>

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30 Responses to Our 20 funniest nursing quotes

  1. LOL… Now I do believe that laughter is the medicine ever…

    • Rita

      when I went to nursing school back in 1980 My instructor told me I walked too slow!

    • rita

      we have very stressful jobs
      I think SOME nurses just LOVE to see other nurses screw up in some way shape or form and it’s a real shame and pity as we are all human beings.

      • rita

        no one should ever humliate someone in front of other people.No matter what profession you are in. I would kepp a record of what she does and says, dates and times and when you graduate turn it in to the director.

        • Nurse Rene RN

          And, to add to your record, Names of Witnesses to the event.

        • djrn28

          As a director of a nurisng program. I think that no one should be humilated in from of others. I beleive that the student should be pulled a side and talked to about the incident. Documenting the incident is good to do but I for one and I hope I am speaking for all Directors would like to know about the incident when it happens.
          Another thing to remember is that every one makes mistakes but as a nurse our mistakes can hurt others. I am always bothered when a nurse does not feel remorse or is bothered when they do make a mistake. As nurses we can not afford to feel that way you need to look at why the error occurred and ask yourself how can a prevent this from happening again.

          • Drewster55

            With students being the weakest link in the situation, it can still be too easy for them to bear the brunt of the punishment, deserved or not. I can think of any number of reasons where the school or organization working with the school might not, or choose not to evaluate their role in the problem. Documentation of the incidents becomes pointless. Students who haven’t graduated can end up expelled, even if only to protect the reputations of those being questioned. However, Grad nurses (those who graduate) are still the most vulnerable in potential bully situations. I remember being expected and pressured to do things as a grad nurse that I was taught was outside of the scope of practice (take orders from doctors, as well as sign of on charts). I stood my ground and refused, but it felt risky…when it shouldn’t have to have been.I would also say that grad nurses rely heavily on references from their school for their first jobs in the nursing field. Not being able to, as in being labeled a whistleblower in school, has drastic implications.

            Sadly, the corporate environment is no guarantee to be free of nurse bullies. One simply needs to be aware of the choices they make, the documentation, and taking steps to protect oneself to survive. Luckily, there are places out there for nurses to work that are fairly balanced, better managed, and show more willingness to self-scrutinize.

  2. rene

    Nurses gotta love em! I am a clinical student and i work my ass off and it is never good enough for the instructors. I made a minor mistake, NOBODY got hurt. and my istructor made a major scene and degraded me in from of our clinical class. Thats fine, hope it made her feel superior. What comes around goes around. I admitted to my mistake and apologized, and she still made me write a paper on being human and erring.. whatever…

    • Judy, RN

      Lots of years in Critical Care gives me the experience to say this to clinical student, a new nurse, or an experienced nurse.
      Be prepared with every shift for someone in authority to attempt to humiliate you or to make a big scene over a simple error.
      Solution: Take 10 deep breaths, long breath in and a long breath out. Be thankful that you are you and not the nurse that is causing distress for another nurse. You are an advocate for all patients, and other nurses do not have to be your friends, and you don’t even have to like them.
      But you must stand tall , use your heart, learn from the bad experience, never repeat that behavior to any other nurse, especially a student nurse.
      Believe me, you can work as a team even under the worst situation, because all Nurses have the patients well being and healing as their goal, they just do not like other nurses. Remember you are the patients voice in a hospital, clinic,or in the community.

    • Nurse Rene RN

      I have had managers who did things like that. It is NEVER appropriate to degrade anyone in front of anyone ELSE! Your Instructor should have been the one who had to write the paper.
      Some people never heard of the Golden Rule.

  3. Renee Peterson

    I know how it feels. When I was in nursing school years ago, I graduated in 2001, I had an instructor that hated me. She did everything she could to embarass me, degrade me and make me feel awful. I showed her when I walked proudly accross that stage to receive my diploma. Keep your head up, nurses do eat their young.

  4. Jennifer

    @Rene. Allow things like that to strengthen you.

  5. Ladylaura21

    Rene, I have been a nurse for over 20 years. I hate when instructors humiliate nurses like that. So sorry you had to go through that. I too feel that this sort of behavior from the instructors stems from some sort of insecurity. Shame on them. Like, Jennifer says, allow it to strengthen you. ((((((hugs))))))))))

  6. Kathy

    These are so funny! After 30+ years of nursing I have heard and seen about everything (or so it seems).

  7. pam

    one time a medical student gave one of my patients a urinal after she said she needed to use the bathroom and could walk, she actually used in and i had to clean up the mess .

  8. Deborah L Udovic

    This is so true ,but the young need to be reminded that they wiil be older someday too!

  9. Mary Jo Martin

    I have worked in health care for 40 years and worked for my first “nurse who eats her co workers.” I had never been confronted by this type before. I lost a great gig because of her. I heard she left Take Care shortly after. She was a souless, angry old bag. Those type of women aren’t limited to nursing.

    • Nurse Rene RN

      You are quite right. The Bully exists in all workplaces and professions. We seem to see it more in Nursing because it is predominately female. Most who have written responses to the Medscape article ‘Incivility in Nursing’, April 2011 have stated that the problem is women vs. (other) women. Perhaps it is a biology thing.
      I also lost a job because of a CNO and her ‘girlfriend’ who was our unit manager.
      Within the year, the CNO had been fired from the corporation.
      Sometimes we actually do see justice done.

      • annier

        We have Bullies in our management as well. They are sending nurses left and right to our see psych for various reasons, confidence, bullying themselves, there are countless others that are going. To me that is wrong and demeaning. the management team on our unit needs to see psych for bullying the nurses if you ask me. We are all over it.

  10. Mysti Raines

    I once had an 18 year old non-compliant patient that was having a 24 hour urine collection done and he kept voiding in the toilet. I took a 22 guage foley catheter in and told him if he did not save his urine that I would have to put the catheter in. Immediate compliance. LOL

  11. Jane C.

    Thankfully I only came across one professor during my two years in nursing school, who demeaned me in front patients and classmates during clinical. While at the time, I was embarrassed, it did help me to become a stronger human being. I also realized, that I will try my best to not treat another human being in that manner.

  12. Gena H.

    I have been in the medical profession for over 26yrs…working as the under paid, under appreciated CNA to ER Tech, and health care coordinator, now a LPN and I have been scolded, talked down to, and although I wanted to bark back I took a deep breath and let it roll off my back. All it takes is a simple thank you from my patient or a smile and the knowing that I work for the patient or family I care for and that is gratitude and payment enough. Those moments of struggle have made me a stronger nurse and a better patient advocate….my advise be strong and work for your patient and let it roll off your back…

  13. Bonnie

    I was precepting a student, when i went to lunch, i has someone else watching her. while i was gone, a pt developed pulmonary edema, the student caught it, and charted “Increased rales noted, RN out to lunch. Supervisor notified.”

  14. When I was 18 years old I had to have an operation. They needed to cut a piece of bone from my pelvis. As I was about to go out in came that years student nurses and right in front was the best friend of my girl friend and her fellow students. They were in to watch their first operation and many of them new this patient.

  15. Lee Ann

    I have found out I have narcolepsy. Which means I can be taking a nap and using automatic behavior. I have since been medicated, but there were a few difficult times before that. Once I was charting at 4 in the am, and I glanced at my charting before closing the chart: “ROM WNL, neuro checks begun, patient is taking a cruise to the Virgin Island and is sitting in a chair on the deck.”

  16. texasLVN72

    Hi everyone!!! Hope everyone is having a great day. I am on a walking team at work-we are looking fro a team name. We would like a good, funny or clever name. Maybe some of you can Help. We are a team of 5–few nurses and a few medical assistants. 3 of us are young grandmas.. the other 2 are younger ladies. please help name our namless team… we thought of The Scrubs, Sole Feet but the ladies are not liking those, please help

  17. beoff2

    I was a cna for 12 yrs went back to school when I was forty. I have been an lpn for 23 yrs.I have worked in nursing homes all these years because I enjoy taking care of our older patients. The one thing that I stress to new nurses or cna’s is never stop asking questions. In nursing you will continue to learn something different every day. Never ignore what your cna’s say if they tell you something is wrong believe them and check.They are your eye’s and ears to your patient they spend more time with them then you. In nursing home setting it’s normal for a nurse to have up to 25 patients so the cna’s are your greatest asset .As for making mistakes it only takes one time my mistake was minor but scared me for what it could have been.I had to report myself,write myself up ,call the Dr. explain what I had done then call the family. Just take me out and shoot me please!!! never again check,recheck and if your not sure ask another nurse to double check for you. It’s called being team player

  18. JustinGomez

    Worth reading and finny too…

  19. Shirley Parker

    Whike still a student, I was told if I was on time for start of shift I was late