Scrubs

The hilarious hospital encyclopedia from A to Z

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Thinkstock | iStock

Thinkstock | iStock

Just what is nursing really like, you ask? Consulting this encyclopedia of hospital terms from Nurse Agatha is your task!

A is for agency: nurses we need; and when we can get them, we’re thankful indeed.

B’s bariatrics: a stunning example of what you can do when your patients are ample.

C is for Code Blue. We run and we shout, but only some of us know what it’s about.

D is for doctors: our colleagues in arms, for whom we watch vitals, asses, sound alarms.

E’s for Emergency: that’s where you’ll linger if you’ve broken a hip or just chopped off a finger.

Thinkstock | Monkey Business Images

Thinkstock | Monkey Business Images

F is for Foley: they’re truly convenient. Too bad the rules governing them aren’t very lenient.

G’s gynecology. What can I say? Most of us want to keep those docs away.

H is for housekeeping: they flip our rooms, and trundle about with their buckets and brooms.

I is for IV: the needles we stick through skin that is freckled, or wrinkled, or thick.

I-is-for-IV

Thinkstock | Andrei Malov

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

J is for JCHAO. The less said the better; I wish I had simply skipped over this letter.

K is potassium, so necessary. A lack of it can make your heart rhythms scary.

L is for lift help! The cry has gone out, and gathered all nurses, both wiry and stout.

M’s MRI. Does your brain have a clot? Then we should be able to see it. Or not.

Thinkstock | Fuse

Thinkstock | Fuse

N is neurology. That is my gig. For all other systems, I care not a fig.

O is oncology, sometimes depressing. Except when their patients are all convalescing.

P is for payday! The reason we work when every third patient’s a creep and a jerk.

Q is for Quality Rounds. The JC, in its all-knowing wisdom, has caused them to be.

R’s for restraints: though we don’t like their uses, it’s sometimes much better than suffering
abuses.

S is for surgery. What that’s about, is knowing both what to leave in and take out.

Thinkstock |Monkey Business Images

Thinkstock |Monkey Business Images

T’s for telemetry. Have you a heart? Those people can tell when it stops and it starts.

U is urology! Peepees galore! And drains, and those stents. (Say … just what are those for?)

V is for vitamins! B makes you nervy, while less D or C gives you rickets and scurvy.

W’s working all day on our feet, and wheat beer for when our last shift is complete.

Thinkstock | Brown54486

Thinkstock | Brown54486

X is for X-ray. They see through the skin, to your bones and your organs and secrets within.

Y is for yelling. We do it sometimes. And here we are: close to the end of my rhymes.

Zzzz is the noise that we make when we sleep. May yours all be peaceful, and dreamless, and deep.

Agatha Lellis
Agatha Lellis is a nurse whose coffee is brought to her every morning by a chipmunk. Bluebirds help her to dress, and small woodland creatures sing her to sleep each night. She writes a monthly advice column, "Ask Aunt Agatha," here on Scrubs; you can send her questions to be answered at askauntieaggie@gmail.com.

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