The strangest thing my patient has ever done…

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Patients may make the nursing world go round, but sometimes their behavior is a little weird! Whether they’re trying to fool you or just misunderstood your instructions, they can do some odd (and hilarious) things from time to time. We asked our Facebook fans to share the strangest thing they’ve ever seen a patient do or say, and got some crazy answers in response! Read on for some hilarious patient antics!

1. BAD HOSPITAL FOOD

A gentleman smashed the suction bottle (yes folks, they used to be made of glass), then proceeded to eat the pieces. Upon further inspection via gastroscopy, the findings included a fork heading tines first into the duodenum. He went to surgery.
—Lori Beiter Halker

2. THIS END GOES UP

A patient drank 500 ml from a prepared and lubricated enema bag hanging in his bathroom. When he was found sucking on the tubing, he just stated that he saw it there and figured he should drink it. Wrong way in, my friend….
—Haley Lewis Dahl

3. BIG RIVER

I had a patient use his Foley as a lasso once…and another patient was “rowing” his bed via the IV pole!
—Szilvia Acs

4. AMMO WHAM-O

While I was working in a nursing home, we had a little feisty little old lady in her 90s. Upon entering her room you had to be careful, ’cause she would have her ammunition (poop) rolled into little balls and would sling them at you as you entered. Most of us knew this, so we were careful upon entering, but every once in a while, she would get a new employee who hadn’t been forewarned. LOL!
—Cindy Malin

5. ORDER UP

I will never forget a patient who came in post-vasectomy (I work for an urologist). I was ready to put him in a room when I asked for a urine sample first. I don’t know what he understood, but he came out of the bathroom with a semen sample!!! No wonder he took a while in the bathroom. Poor guy, his face was red from embarrassment. Like I always say, patients don’t LISTEN!
—Mireya Escobedo Gaeta

Six more hilarious stories…

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