The top 10 strangest things doctors have said to you on the job!

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Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. —Gerhard Kocher

Whether you get along famously or have your share of difficulty with them, doctors are a constant presence in most nurses’ lives…which is why it’s all the better when said doctors at least make you chuckle every once in a while! We asked our Facebook fans to share the strangest things doctors have ever said to them; read on to get a BIG laugh courtesy of your fellow nurses (and the doctors who opened their mouths)!

The top 10 strangest things doctors have said to you on the job!

1. When ending a phone conversation after discussing a patient, the doctor said, “I love you,” then paused and said, “I’m sorry, you were telling me what to do, so it made me think I was speaking with my wife. I’m sorry!” He couldn’t look at me for about a month!
—Kimberly Bernier

2. “He has an erection to everything,” but he meant to say, “He has a reaction to everything.” What made it so funny is that he never corrected himself…I stood there trying so hard not to laugh.
—Tea Michelle

3. “I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!” He meant my street clothes, as opposed to my scrubs, but it was hilarious.
—Valerie Casey

4. A first-year resident and I went to do a vag exam on a laboring patient. He put the glove on the stands at the foot of the bed with a puzzled look on his face, looked at me and asked, “How do I do this?” I told him the vagina was usually found between a woman’s legs. The patient laughed so hard…gotta love first-year residents.
—Tonja Timm Truitt

5. A doctor was trying to order supp and wanted to put rectal…well, he was talking to the computer and said, “I want it all in the butt!”—not knowing I was standing behind him! I about peed myself laughing so hard, and he turned redder than a tomato! Let’s not forget, he only started with us a couple of months ago…definitely an icebreaker!
—Ashley Boyer

6. “THIS patient is deceased? THIS one right here?” Ummm, yes. This one right here…lol.
—Sheri Teepls

7. A GI specialist was frustrated with a hospitalist’s documentation. He asked me if I knew what “WNL” meant. I told him, “Within normal limits,” and he replied, “No, it means ‘We never looked.’”
—Conni Errickson Miller

8. I called a doctor in the middle of the night for orders on a new admit. He was giving appropriate orders, then he said, “And have her go out and pick up sticks. [pause…] Did I just say something about sticks?” I said yes. He said, “Sorry, I fell asleep and I was dreaming.”
—Jenny Bronkema

9. We had a frequent flier on the floor, and the doctor told me he would give me $20 if I could figure out a way for him to not have to go in her room. LOL!
—Heidi DeSchepper

10. “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”
—Kim Sowles Crawford

What’s the strangest thing a doctor has ever said to YOU on the job?

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12 Responses to The top 10 strangest things doctors have said to you on the job!

  1. gailbop

    I brought an elderly relative to the ER, and afterwards, the ER doctor asked me, “What do you want to do?”


    I had a doctor urinate…then flush…on the phone with me.

  3. chb417

    When talking to a doctor on the phone, he said, “Give the patient ____________ two times.”
    I said, “Right, give the med twice.”
    The doctor said, “No, two times not twice!”
    Where on the planet did he come from that two times doesn’t equal twice!

  4. purpleapple87

    I called a Dr. about a patients vaginal yeast infection. He wanted to order Nystatin, swish and swallow. ??? LOL

  5. oklahomaRN

    I once called a doctor who was a very heavy sleeper for a patient in rapid a fib. He told me to give a peanut butter sandwich and fell asleep not to be heard from until the next morning. He asked me what I told him to do then asked what I actually did LOL.

    Second one heard just recently from a co-worker: “The patient can’t have ectopy. We didn’t order ectopy.”

  6. Robert Green

    I know I have the best one ever. Patient insistent he wanted to get out of bed. Doc walked to me and asked be to bag patient while walking down hall. Then he put it as a order in the chart. Thanks J.W.

  7. Robert Green

    Oh another we were coding a patient when I hear the resident talking to the attending. He says “Yes we found him in astoyle without a pulse” I was wondering when do you find patients in astoyle with a pulse.

  8. LMBRN

    While working in the ER one night, we had a Female come in with lower Abd pain, so we had to do a pelvic exam. After exam was done, the Dr. and I were charting and he looks at me with a straight face and said, “That’s the floppiest Vagina I have ever seen.” And went back to his computer. I sat there with a puzzled look on my face and started laughing. He never said anything about his comment and I was not going to say a word. Pretty sure he was tired and was thinking out loud, (at the nurses station of course) No patients heard his comment

  9. lpn7455

    Had a PA come to the nurses station after seeing a pt, telling us what a nice guy he(pt) was and that he had a really small prostate. Few of us looked at each other and rolled our eyes, one young nurse not understanding commented “ok, so what”, the PA informed her that meant a lot of semen release. She replied with “so he’s had a lot of sex?” We all walked/ran away!! Thanks BB and JC for that!!

  10. neche51

    I’ve got two:
    1. While trying to interpret a chart note that a doctor had hand written, I asked him what his note said. He looked at me with a straight face and said, I don’t know. (So you can’t even read your own handwriting)

    2. I had another doctor ask me how much Percocet I think the pt should have. (Um really… How much are you comfortable writing for them.)

  11. misshtinker

    Here’s a good one: Doctor finished pt consult and asked me if pt had SCD’s yet. I say “No….” and he replies “That’s one of the first things you should’ve done when he got here.” Patient has no legs.

  12. Jackrabbot

    #10 is just mean spirited. There’s nothing funny at the heart of it. It only made me think someone might be in need of a few years away from nursing. Thanks so much all the other laughs!