True (and funny!) stories from real nurses

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Have you ever seen anything so big?

James is 87, the sweetest of patients, one of nature’s gentlemen. Just the other day when I was giving James a sponge bath I stood him up next to the bed so I could wash his privates when he looked down and said, “Have you ever seen anything so big?”

I didn’t know what to tell him. All I could think of was there was this guy down in Florida one time…

But before I could say a word James shook his head and said, “My brother-in-law told me once that these have got to be the biggest damn feet he has ever seen!”

Egg on my face –>

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Andrew Heenan is a Nurse, Journalist and Web Editor. Visit at

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12 Responses to True (and funny!) stories from real nurses

  1. Renea

    I was cleaning an older patient up one time while changing his diaper. When I began to use a warm wipe, I heard the patient mumble, “I’ll give you 30 minutes to stop that.” Caught off gaurd, I just said, “Oh ok,” finished what I was doing and left the room with a little grin on my face! At least he had som pleasure from the experience!!

  2. Nancy Nurse

    Loved the story, but having worked in long term care for over 20 years the use of the word “diaper” when referring to adults is considered a dignity issue. We use the word “brief”.

  3. When my daughter was five she came down with chicken pox; but when gramma came to the house and asked her how she was she said Gramma I been sick I got poke-a-dots

  4. Nancy

    Once, We had and 80+ elderly gentleman with AMS coming out of his room naked and cursing terribly. No one could get him to back into his room or into bed. I asked him “does your mother know you cuss like this?” He sheepishly said “No” and turned around and got back in bed like a little child. How sweet!

  5. C Moore

    When I was a nursing student I had the privilege of doing clinicals in a Nursing Home. While I was giving an older gentleman a sponge bath, he said very nonchalantly, “About that woody… Sorry if I get one, sorry if I don’t.” I wanted to laugh but knew for sure my instructor wouldn’t approve. Had the hardest time finishing the bath with a straight face.

  6. I can see nothing funny or amusing about having a colostomy resited after enduring necrotsing fasciatis. I cannot understand anyone who has endured any kind of colostomy surgery that is amusing

  7. colleen

    as I was starting my shift the other day I found a post-it note on the nurses sation that read ‘ agnus is making a funny noise’ and I got concerned because frist I thought did someone write this down as a reminder to check her and if so did they. and then i reallized that the note was next to her 02 tank and that it was making a funny noise !!!! not her

  8. bettymerchen

    My elderly patient’s daughter put on the call bell and said “Yeah……..we’re gonna need colder ice than this, and you need to find my mom a less dingy gown.” She was serious about both “requests”.

  9. keeper3102

    Years ago when I was a CNA, I had two ladies that were in the same room,,my assignment that evening was to get them both up and park them in the Hallway (In the sunshine) The first one was a bit more able bodied, but she was almost blind from macular degeneration, I handed her her foley cathater bag, told her it was her purse,,she held on to it like it was GOLD,,, first she says,,”this is a terrible purse, I can’t get the catch open”,,,, I said after getting her seated in the wheelchair ” That’s OK,, I’ll just hang it on your chair…….. I parked her in the hall, gave her some apple juice and went to get the other lady…… Coming down the hall with her,,,my first lady looks up,,,,,chokes and spits out her apple juice and yells,,,”Hey,, Hey,, She Stole MY purse !” I nearly peed in my pants laughing!!!

  10. lisablueslover

    My patient came out of the operating room squeezing his eyes shut tightly, as we parked his stretcher in the pacu bay he asked me “the light is hurting my eyes, can you pull the blanket up over my head please?”. I said “I’d love to, but can you imagine how terrified the other (just waking from anesthesia) patients rolling by will be when they see you like that?”

  11. Tamzyn

    Although I’m not in the nursing field. (Am a Bpharm student) I really enjoy reading scrubmag’s posts. It’s a real silverlining when days of studying get tough..

  12. nikki99

    I remember giving a patient a bed bath and as I was washing his back. He started saying quite loudly” ooohh yeah ! oh yes . Don’t stop…” I got a little worried and asked him “.Do you realize what that sounds like on the other side of that door?” (Door to the hallway). He said” I don’t care that feels so good !!” All I could think of was visitors and staff walking by and hearing that!