10 more nursing diagnoses that don’t exist…but ought to!

Sure, nurses diagnose patients all the time…but have you ever felt like you needed to diagnose yourself? Sometimes your shift (or week, or month) is just that crazy!

We came up with 11 nursing diagnoses that don’t exist yet, and they were so popular,we’ve done it again! We’ve got a feeling that you need to start diagnosing yourself and taking appropriate relief measures, STAT.

10 more nursing diagnoses that don’t exist…but ought to

1. Risk for aspiration secondary to speed eating.

2. Eyestrain related to deciphering doctors’ handwriting. (A colleague of mine pointed out once that one of our doctors had perfectly readable handwriting, once you realized all the vowels were upside down and backwards.)

3. Excessive cerebral perfusion related to computerized charting failures. (There really is something called “Exploding Head Syndrome.” Google it!)

4. Risk for prolonged confinement in a corrective institution secondary to management memos.

5. Stank Feet Syndrome. (Seriously. We need this to be a recognized work hazard.)

6. Impaired gastric emptying secondary to eating something that’s been in the break room for, like, EVER.

7. Inability to prevent neatening every single flat surface encountered.

8. Obsessive-compulsive behavior patterns related to multiple IV drips.

9. UACS: Uncontrolled Alcohol Consumption Syndrome, related to the beginning of a three-day weekend.

10. Excessive snarkiness, caused by desire to express oneself while still remaining employed.