Items from the future that nurses need YESTERDAY
All right, so it’s clear that it’s going to be a while before this whole understaffing thing is squared away. And in the meantime, nurses are pretty much hanging around in limbo like:
Which inspired us to come up with a few items that might make life easier for nurses. Only, as it turns out, somebody has already beaten us to the drawing board.
Six. Separate. Times.
Not at all bitter (yeah, right), we wanted to share some of the more brilliant devices from futuristic flicks here.
1. The Hoverboard from Back to the Future II
This is you at the beginning of your shift:
And here you are again, 12 hours later:
Why so exhausted? Well, in addition to about 12,000 other factors, your “lethargy” may be due largely in part to the fact that your average shift looks like a condensed version of Forrest Gump—a whole lot of running.
Running to the bedside…
To the supply room…
To the bathroom….
LOL, JK. Nurses on duty have no need for basic functions.
Anyway, given all that hightailing you’re doing on the daily, we thought it might be nice if you had a fully functional hoverboard at your disposal, just to, you know, do all that for you. Oh, and maybe even help you steer clear of one or two questionable puddles.
Just think of all the possibilities.
2. The Teleportation Device from Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Kind of like Gone Girl, but so much easier. And less morbid.
Just stay with us (no pun intended) while we paint this picture:
You’re seven hours into your shift. Your polygamous patient just tested positive for two major STDs with at least six of his wives in tow, the AC is down and your coworker is hinting (strongly) that he or she would really appreciate if you could share the ONE sandwich you have. And it’s toasted.
So you just kinda…
Followed shortly thereafter by:
“Oh, look—a bar….”
See where we’re going with this?
3. The Neuralyzer from Men in Black
This ingenious little trinket is an absolute must. In fact, we’re kind of upset with mankind about the fact that it’s not already a “thing.”
With just the flash of a light, this bad boy has the power to erase even the most potent memories. But, more importantly, you can also implant new ones.
So, now (neuralyzer in tow), when it occurs to you that you should “remind” your supervisor that he or she gave you Christmas off, along with two weeks in December and your birthday, a lightbulb will flicker on and:
Just as you thought.
4. The Point of View Gun from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
This may very well be the most useful tool yet. From stubborn patients to the ultra-judgey coworker who’s critical of your every sick day, the point of view gun could do wonders for healthcare.
Cue the waiting-room-wide moment of realization that the hospital is not a hotel, and you are not an indentured servant. Oh, and your medical knowledge is extensive:
5. The Med-Bay from Elysium
In case you aren’t familiar with the film, the med-bay is essentially a rotating medical bed that actively heals its patients (no, it’s not a massage bed, though we did have the same thought).
A not-at-all-scientifically-sound cure-all, the med-bay remedies everything from mangled limbs to cancer.
Need we say more?
6. Iron Man’s Suit of Armor from (Surprise!) Iron Man
Last, but not at all least, we have a suit that does it all. Sure, it can fly, and that’s pretty noteworthy. However, it also enhances the wearer’s strength and makes him or her impervious to weapons.
So, basically, if you had iron scrubs, you could single-handedly flip one of your (ahem) larger patients shortly before heading next door to restrain the spork-wielding addict. (Three-minute flight to the nearest deli optional.)
Most importantly, you and your unit could roll into the hospital for every shift looking like:
And you know you kind of (really) want to.
In fact, we want you to.
Have a futuristic gadget in mind you think nursing could use? Share it with us in the comments section below!